


Hometown Smile

by ChiTsu



Series: In Another Life [1]
Category: B-PROJECT 鼓動＊アンビシャス | B-PROJECT: Kodou Ambitious
Genre: Friendship, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Religious Conflict, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:08:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 41,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22791511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiTsu/pseuds/ChiTsu
Summary: Tatsuhiro always believed God had a plan for everyone; yet, his 19th year of life was coming to a close and he never felt more...stuck. Knowing what is expected of him but not what he truly wish for, he asks God for a sign. He hadn't expected that sign to be his best childhood friend, who paraded back into town after five years; his smile bright, clothes flashy and hair...fabulous...?
Relationships: Nome Tatsuhiro/Osari Hikaru
Series: In Another Life [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1638529
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

"…in Jesus's name we pray…" the town's pastor spoke softly, eyes closed shut. He stood on the stage in his black Sunday gown, his glasses threatening to fall off from his nose if he bowed his head any lower.

"Amen." The crowd said together, concentrating in their hearts and using the ceremony's last moments to ask for anything more they didn’t manage to plead for. Tatsuhiro Nome remained silent in his heart, having nothing special to ask of God, other than health for his family and to be led to the right path.

The church was filled with conversation a few moments later, the people of the small town starting to chat with each other, greeting with the usual 'happy Sunday' and catching up with the events of the passing week.

The young man opened his eyes then, politely acknowledging everyone who gave him the courtesy, declining his mother's invitation to the Sunday brunch. "I think I'm just gonna go home," he said as he walked outside, stuck between his parents as they stepped out of the wide wooden doors, welcomed by the warm sunlight.

"Don’t be silly dear, how can you miss the pastor's Message?" his mother said, adjusting her large hat.

"I heard it's going to be extra insightful today," his father tried to encourage him, punching his arm playfully and making the younger man chuckle awkwardly.

"Plus, how are you going to get home without the car?" his older brother tried to challenge, but Tatsuhiro didn't need to provide his answer with so many words.

"Tatsu!" a cheerful voice called, belonging to a redhead the family was very familiar with. He was waving at them from the window of an old yet functioning yellow car. Behind the steering wheel was their younger friend, who just got his license and for that reason- became their personal driver.

"Hop on," the silver haired teen said, not as loudly as his flashy friend but with a gentle expression, his head gesturing to the back seat of the shady car. Tatsuhiro waved back at his friends and sent a fake-apologetic smile to his better-knowing family, as if he couldn't help but have better things to do.

"See ya later!" he parted from them as he jogged down the lane, high-fiving Akane through the window before sliding back. Miroku didn’t wait a second more before driving away. "Thanks for that," he told his friends the moment he was certain the church people weren't eavesdropping on them anymore.

"Of course! We wouldn't go without you~" the energetic redhead assured him, leaning his head back on his hands without a care in the world.

"I can’t believe you’re still going, _every Sunday,_ " Miroku expressed his opinion, a little too bluntly for Tatsuhiro's taste. But he wasn't baffled, used to it after years of friendship.

"It means a lot to my family, and faith’s important." He recited his usual answer, eyes gazing outside of the car's window, taking in the view of the road leading them back to their neighborhood, at the edge of the town, where there was nothing but dirt, grass and fields of silence.

"Sure, you’re not a delinquent like us," Miroku mocked playfully, taking the turn he should without noticing the red light. The older of the group didn’t even blink, it’s not like there was much terrific in their town anyway.

"Your words, not mine." He muttered with a knowing smile, making Akane laugh.

"I think it's nice of you," he said as Miroku stopped the car in front of his house, making the car squeak in effort.

"Aren't you coming?" Tatsuhiro asked once he noticed he was the only one leaving the car, his friends remaining comfortably sitting in their spots.

"We’re heading to the city actually," the silver haired muscle-head said, looking a little happier at the mere thought.

"You should join, the twins are curious to meet you," Akane tried to persuade him, tilting his head to the side and looking like a begging puppy. But the purple haired man shook his head, city people were not his crowd. Besides, he had more enjoyable plans and some chores to fill up his free time.

"I'll pass, Pixie is waiting for me," he said with a small smile, the others not expecting a different answer.

"See ya tomorrow, then?" the redhead questioned, and Tatsuhiro hummed in approval. He stepped back and turned towards the driveway, the car speeding up behind him with the radio blasting in the distance. He shook his head in disbelief and sighed.

Akane's last school year had ended three weeks ago, and ever since then, the childhood friends had never missed the opportunity to take the two-hour drive back and forth to the nearest city. He knew they met people there on a school trip, but still failed to understand why physical meetings were necessary, when they could just open a group chat.

His wondering aside, he had his plate filled with his own troubles.

The most prominent one was his future, obviously.

To everyone's concern, it was already written. He was going to stay in the farm, start working full time with his father and brother, work the land and make a solid income, live a quiet life. He will go to church every Sunday and have kids who in turn will have the same fate as his.

He didn't blame society for expecting nothing more of him, as he had been living by that plan since he graduated high school almost two years ago. All that was left for him was to find a wife before he turned twenty-one and he was set.

He sighed again.

He loosened his tie as soon as he entered his house, kicking his shoes away before remembering that his mother will be angry if she stumbled upon them again. He placed the leather slacks in the closet and walked to his room, hanging his suit back up and throwing his fancy dress shirt into the laundry basket.

He had to wash it of course; and then clean the kitchen as it had been used by his mother earlier that day to make her part of the Sunday brunch. He also had to document the crops and fill the tractor's tank so his brother could use it… but all of that could wait till later.

He pulled on a pair of pants that had already been lying around, grabbing a t-shirt from his shelf and pulling it over his head as fast as he could, barely remembering to take his hat with him as he rushed out of the door to the back.

The smile on his face was natural when the sun shined in his eyes, uninterrupted by anything but the open land soaking its warmth. Tatsuhiro took a deep breath and jogged down to the stables, deciding to dwell on his thoughts later, when he had no other choice.

"Hey Pixie,"

His brown mare whined happily when she saw him, expecting the treat he gave her and the soft brush on her fur as he cleaned her up quickly. "Ready to go for a run?" he wondered, saddling the animal. She seemed to understand him somehow as she always did, batting her hoof on the ground. He opened her stable door, the trained mare was obedient and stayed inside, until he hopped on her back and nudged her stomach, directing her out to the field.

That was when Tatsuhiro felt the most at ease, the wind blowing so hard in his face that he could barely open his eyes to see. But the view around him was worth the effort. The fields were the most beautiful this time of the year, blooming in their full glory, green and filling the air with their scent. His horse picked up her pace in the slope, stretching her legs and making it harder for him to stay stable. He gave into it, his body moving at the same rhythm as hers as they crossed the fields. There was no end to them really, he could go and on until he reached another town, and even continue from there…but that was not an option for him anymore.

He could pretend though, just for a while longer.

He pulled his hat over his head, blocking the setting sun as he leaned on the tree a little more heavily, Pixie happily grazing by his side. He tried to focus on the feeling of the grass under his fingers, the air hitting his bare arms and anything but his busy brain.

_'Lord,'_ he turned in his head, knowing that someone was out there hearing his prayer despite how informal it was. _'I know you are probably busy with more urgent things but….'_ He tried to come up with the words to express his true desire, only to fail in figuring out _what_ was it he actually wished for.

A quiet life in the hometown he knew?

Going to college unlike his family and building a life of his own?

Something in between?

_‘help me understand, give me a sign.'_

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

He knew something was off as soon as he and Pixie trotted back into the yard, spotting a stranger's car in their driveway. He hopped off her back, landing swiftly on the ground and stopping in his track when he heard a noise coming from the stables. The purple haired muscle-head knew it wasn't his imagination when he notices his horse's ears were perked up. It was another horse's whine that made him run for it, forgetting the fact that he didn’t have any weapon aside for his bare hands. Most of the times, it was enough for him, so he threw logic away.

"Stay where you are!" he called as he barged into the barn, fists ready and voice harsh, his eyes scanning the place quickly to make sure none of the horses were hurt. His gaze froze when he landed on the empty cell belonging to Pixie. It was no longer empty, the culprit standing in it with his hands raised in the air to surrender.

"Please don't kill me!" he pleaded; his voice immediately recognizable to the one who was sure his eyes were trying to deceive him. But the wide smile on the intruder's face and the way his bright yellow-green eyes reflected the realization in Tatsuhiro's purple ones cleared any doubt he had.

"Hikaru!" the older of the two let out before he could control the volume of his voice, attacked a moment later by a bone crushing hug from his childhood friend, who hopped into his arms without hesitation.

"Tatsu!" he exclaimed too loudly. "Surprised?" he wondered, and the purple haired man just nodded, arms releasing their hold after he made sure that the other one was in fact right in front of him. "What am I doing here?" Hikaru completed his friend's thoughts, reading them clearly on his face despite his temporary selective mutism.

Tatsuhiro just couldn't wrap his head around it, the last time he had seen Hikaru was over five years ago…

_"you're…leaving…?" he wondered shyly, not sure what to make of the words, especially when they were paired along with his best friend's shining eyes of sadness and his slouched posture. "If it's because of what happened the other day-"_

_"It’s not. I asked my mom a hundred times..." He hurried to clarify, playing with his fingers behind his back, not wanting to bring that topic up again. "…there's…my doctor said…" he tried to say, avoiding the piercing purple gaze of his best friend who he dreaded leaving behind. "There is a hospital in Tokyo, with a specialist in my condition," he said, seeing on the other's face that no more words were necessary._

_Tatsuhiro smiled at him kindly, reaching to hold his hands in his own and hummed in approval. "Is he going to cure you?" was all he asked, and when the other eagerly nodded, there was nothing more he needed to know. He didn't care how far Hikaru was going away from him, he didn’t care how long they were going to be apart; because he knew that whenever he missed him too much he could always tell himself that the next time they meet will be when-_

"Are you healed?" he asked, hopeful and straightforward, making his best friend chuckle. The turquoise haired man was not given the opportunity to reply properly, as the two were no longer alone in the barn.

"Finally, you're back, dear." Tatsuhiro's mother said as she entered, her apron wrapped tightly around her waist and her dark purple hair in a low bun. The boys step back from one another, Hikaru still smiling. "Dad tried calling you,"

"I didn’t take my phone, sorry." he said, rubbing the back of his neck, really not intending to cause trouble by getting carried away so much, but needing to be left alone.

"It doesn’t matter now," she said, wiping her hands on her apron. "Come and eat dinner now the two of you," she ordered kindly and turned on her heels, expecting them to follow.

"She doesn’t seem surprised to see you…" Tatsuhiro said under his breath as the pair walked back into the house.

"I got here hours ago," his best friend told him knowingly, walking close to him so their shoulders were touching.

"Sorry, if I’d known you were-" the polite man hurried to apologize, regretting making his friend wait so long for him. But the other man wasn’t accusing him of anything, patting his shoulder in dismissal.

"Don’t worry, I helped your mom with cooking in the meantime," Hikaru said proudly, surprising the older of the two.

"You…cook?" he had to ask, being not used to this kind of thing. Even when he tried to think about it, he couldn’t recall ever seeing his father or brother even _walking_ into the kitchen unless it was to ram the fridge. It was the female territory, for all he knew.

But his turquoise haired friend wasn't confused, not by the question nor by the simple answer he had to give. He hummed in approval. "You know, we have a family restaurant back home," he said as the two of them walked into the cozy house, which was now lit with yellow light and filled with the scent of a home-cooked meal.

Tatsuhiro didn’t have the moment he needed in order to comprehend that the word 'home' didn't represent the same place for them anymore. He was greeted by Hikaru's mother and his three little siblings, who seemed to take after him with their enthusiasm and bone-crushing hugs.

The two families sat down at the table; the mothers placed the food servings on the red-white tablecloth. Tatsuhiro could barely focus on the chatter around him, his eyes drawn to a specific person, the one who sat directly in front of him.

"Let's say grace," his father said, reaching both of his hands out, one holding his eldest son's, the other his wife's. The youngest Nome child reached instinctively to those sitting by his sides, not missing the way Hikaru's face stiffened as he did the same, exchanging a knowing look with his mother.

They had kept in touch over the years, mostly via text and some calls over the weekend. They were brief, as the connection was always wary in the field, which was the only place Tatsuhiro could be alone in. They had sent each other pictures too, from graduation, of beautiful views, funny things and stuff that they knew only the other will understand. But none of it prepared him for seeing Hikaru now, an adult, completely different but somehow the same.

His hair was much longer; enough to be half-tied up and fall over his shoulders. It turned darker at the edges, the different shades of blue-greens most noticeable in the part of his hair that was braided. His complexion was paler than it had been, which should have made him look weaker, but his jaw was stronger and so were his shoulders. It was the first time he paid attention to what the other young man was wearing; a light orange shirt with its collar pulled up as high as it could, underneath was striped sleeves that barely passed his elbow.

He definitely didn’t fit the view anymore.

The beautiful face changed once the prayer began, golden eyes looking directly at him instead of up, catching him staring. Hikaru smiled at him, sticking out his tongue and making Tatsuhiro choke back his laughter, refocusing on thanking the lord, meaning it that night more than usual, due to the nostalgic company.

"Amen." He said faithfully, letting go of his mother's hand and the tiny one of Hikaru's youngest sister. He didn’t focus on the chatter that broke around the table as each person set their plate, reaching out in his own turn to take a piece of the roast beef.

"How long will you be staying in town Osari-san?" his father turned to Hikaru's mother, passing her the salad as she requested.

"Me and the kids will be leaving tomorrow, but Hikaru will stay for a few weeks," the green haired woman said, placing the unevenly cut vegetables in her youngest son's plate, despite his disapproval. "I wish we all could stay, but the restaurant needs to keep working," she added, placing the bowl down on the full table. Tatsuhiro's eyes caught Hikaru's, confused for not knowing about it before. But it was clear there were many more things he didn’t know.

He held his tongue, used to it as he long ago learned there were things the two of them could talk about only behind closed doors.

The rest of the dinner flew by with stories told by the families; the Nome family was eager to answer and expand on questions asked about the little town and the little changes that accrued over the years that passed. About the neighbors the two families shared once, the children growing up and the community thriving into itself. The Osari family shared their experiences in the big city, the strange people they have met and the strange places they had seen. Strangeness they had learned to love and enjoy.

Tatsuhiro wasn't as intrigued by it as the rest of his family was. He heard about the major differences in scenery from his friends before, Akane, Miroku and Hikaru himself. For all he knew, the city was crowded, the air smoky and the noise unpleasant and never-stopping. There were no open plains, no green fields and no sea of bright stars in the sky. It was beyond his understanding why would anyone choose to live in a place like that.

Their joint time together had come to an end a little before eleven, when the adults noticed the time and noted that it was getting a little too late. Everyone had fun and voiced it as they parted ways. Tatsuhiro was slightly upset that all he got from Hikaru was a small wave goodbye, but his knowing wink made that feeling go away with ease.

His mother was left to clean up while his father and brother flopped on the couch and armchair, surfing the TV for some entertainment before sleep. He entered his room, getting a glimpse of himself in the mirror and nearly gasping when he saw his reflection still wore the riding attire he spent all afternoon in.

He rushed to the shower, scrubbing the sweat off his skin and scolding himself for making such a bad second-first impression on the Osari family, who definitely shouldn’t have witnessed his ragged appearance. He wished his family good night as he crossed the living area on his way from the shower to his room, his bare feet hitting the wooden floor and leaving dump heat stains that will soon disappear.

He debated if it was a bad idea to sneak out at that time, not that his parents could tell him not to, now that he was almost twenty already; but wondering if Hikaru will really want to see him right then. He must have had a long day behind him, with moving his things and traveling. Plus, Tatsuhiro had no idea where he was staying now that his family no longer owned the house right across the dusty open road from his own.

Deciding he could wait until the next day, Tatsuhiro entered his room and closed the door, revealing the mischievous face of his childhood friend who was hiding behind it. A hand was placed on his mouth to muffle his surprised gasp, the owner's finger pressed to his own knowing smile, signing him to be quiet.

He left the door slightly open, so a thin ray of yellow light entered the room from the hall. His hand held onto the other's wrist, pulling it away from his face.

"What’re you doing here? How’d you get in?"

"I didn’t forget how to sneak into your room," Hikaru whispered back with a wide smile. He skipped ahead and sat down on the single bed, looking around the room he used to spend so much time in. He noted to himself that it hadn't changed at all since the last time he had been there.

Tatsuhiro took a quick look outside of his door, making sure that no one was suspicious, before he turned to face his friend, sitting opposite on him on his desk chair. "What are you doing back here Hikaru?" he asked again with a different intent that didn't need to be clarified.

"You aren’t happy that I'm here?" the turquoise haired young man asked, folding his legs and leaning his elbows on his knees. He knew it wasn't the case even before his friend shook his head quickly; he just had to attempt to avoid the question. But the light purple eyes kept gazing at him, demanding his reply.

"Why are you here?"

Hikaru sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I need to get away from the city," he said, leaning his head on his hands. "Get some fresh air and quiet," he continued, the older of the two nodded, as he could see the need for a break. Although, it was unusual coming from his super energetic friend. The confusion must have been clear on his face since Hikaru soon added. "It's doctor's orders,"

Tatsuhiro's lips tightened at that, his heart sinking in his chest when he understood the complete meaning behind the words. The golden eyes avoided his, finding sudden interest in the sky view seen from the bedroom's window. The moon was large that night, lighting his face with pale rays, which hit the golden chain hanging from his neck and into his shirt. The purple haired man got up from the chair and took the two steps to the bed, slumping down next to his childhood friend who might have changed even less than suspected.

He reached for the chain, pulling it up to see the vile attached to it, a capsule he knew held pink flat pills to be taken twice a day. His fist closed around it, hiding it away as if it will give Tatsuhiro a moment longer to believe his prayers had been answered.

Hikaru turned to him with an apologetic smile and shiny eyes. "I'm sorry," he breathed out shakily, trying to keep his smile steady. "I'm really, really sorry,"

Tatsuhiro shook his head, releasing his hold on the dreaded necklace he prayed to never be needed again. "It's not your fault," he hurried to reassure his friend, needing him to not break apart so he won't.

Hikaru whined, face crumbling as he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the muscular shoulders, burying his head in them. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep our promise…"

Tatsuhiro nodded against his shoulder, his body melting against the other as he brought his arms around him, holding close and rubbing his toned back. How could he blame his best friend for failing to keep their promise, when his current situation proved to him that neither did he?

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

He snuck back up from Tatsuhiro's room at three in the morning.

He slipped out of the window as he came, waving his car keys before the older of the two could ask him how he was going to get to his temporary home. He was staying at the town's motel with his mother and was given no responsibility from her other than relaxing. His childhood friend must have known that this was an order he was unable to follow. Which was why he had offered to spend the days with him, until he decided it was time to go back to the city.

Hikaru couldn't refuse him now, as he never could before, and promised to drop by the next morning. Tatsuhiro's small smile was genuine as he waved him goodbye, before closing his bedroom's window.

He had a hard time falling asleep once he managed to slip back into the motel room his family were currently sleeping in, his mother curled on the couch while his siblings took all the space on the bed and left him no choice but to lie on the edge of it. Even when he managed to find a comfortable position, he had a hard time falling asleep, as his mind was racing with thoughts.

Glancing above at the fan hanging from the ceiling, he tried to sort through them. He was already missing the comforting sound of traffic and busy streets, the silence around him stretching too tightly. His day had been long, the drive here had been fun, thanks to the playlist he provided, and the ever-changing view; and the motel wasn't as bad as he came to expect as a big city boy. The small town brought back a wave of nostalgia he didn’t know if he dreaded or not, memories popping into his brain with every road they took on the way to the Nome household. The house looked the same as he remembered it, so did the stables he used to spend so much time in.

His first truly happy moment was meeting his horse again, in the cell next to Tatsuhiro's horse, where he always was. Temper barely recognized him at first, startled by the stranger until he heard his voice and caught a whiff of his scent; then he had warmed up and whined happily to see him, rubbing his snout against his neck and making him laugh.

This reaction wasn’t as far off from Tatsuhiro's; he noticed when he thought about it.

His best childhood friend hadn’t changed at all in first glance; his hair kept short and his skin tan from being outside all day, either riding his horse or working in the fields; his purple eyes still had pretty blue undertones , enhancing the naivety in them, representing the innocence of his thoughts. He had grown of course, his shoulders wider and his arms perfectly sculpted, as was the rest of his appearance. But then again, he was always very manly in Hikaru's eyes.

_He still wears his cross necklace;_ he couldn't help but linger on that thought, having a harder time disposing of it as he did the others. _What did you expect?_ He accused himself, rolling over to his other side, so now he faced his sleeping siblings instead of the turned off TV. His youngest sister’s face reminded him of how long it had been, as she was only a baby when they left the little town behind.

He was so different than himself, the Hikaru that left this place, the one Tatsuhiro remembered and held so dearly. The fear of his current self being un-wanted was heavy on his heart; grounded by the weight of the golden necklace hanging from his neck and resting over his chest, reminding him of why they left at all, for him to be cured of all his illnesses.


	2. Chapter 2

"Good morning!" Hikaru greeted with a grin and a big wave once his best friend opened the door for him.

"Morning? it’s almost noon," Tatsuhiro said with an amused smile, stepping out instead of Hikaru stepping in.

"It’s 10AM," the turquoise haired city-boy said. He hadn't given much thought as to what will be the best time for him to show up. His mother and siblings left earlier, waking him up and forcing him to eat breakfast with them. He didn’t want to intrude, guessing that if his friend worked for his own parents like he did back in Tokyo, he had the benefit of being able to sleep in. But that turned out not to be the case.

"Exactly, I've been awake for hours already," he said, pulling something from behind his back and placing it on the shorter man's head. Hikaru's happy smile was beyond his control as he realized what it was, his very own cowboy hat, as his old one was thrown away years ago.

"You said you won’t do anything without me!" Hikaru whined, skipping down the stairs and waiting for his friend to join him, as they walked behind the house.

"There's still plenty, Daiki is off with his girlfriend today, so we have to cover for him," the purple haired man said, not as a complaint about his brother but a duty of his. He tugged at Hikaru's elbow when he continued to walk ahead instead of turning to the barn.

"Let's do it!" Hikaru exclaimed, jumping on the other's back and delighted to hear his friend's laughter when he did, his arms coming under him for support as he continued walking naturally.

Farm work was just like riding a bicycle. Not that he ever learned how to do that; there was no point to it when he was a child and could ride a horse instead. They carried a heavy block of hey from the barn to the stables, then came back to take pitchforks to break it down. Hikaru easily scattered the hay into the chambers, trying not to get overly distracted by the majestic creatures that populated them.

They move to clean the tractor next, their buckets and mops at hand. Tatsuhiro didn't let him oil it, too frightened he will damage it if he tried. He laughed at that but allowed him to do so, watching carefully as the skillful hands took care of the machine.

"Stay put," his best friend ordered him when it was time to load the tractor with fertilizer, which came in heavy bags, neatly placed in a pile that towered above their heads. His warning purple eyes were serious, but Hikaru was never ashamed to wave those off.

"I'm fine," he assured his worried friend, picking up one of the bags to prove his point, but failing to carry the weight on his own. "Okay maybe not," he corrected himself with short laughter, accepting the help of two strong arms that aligned next to his. Tatsuhiro was smiling at him as they worked, still a little concern over the turquoise haired man straining himself too much, but choosing to trust his judgment with caution.

"So how is everyone?" he asked a few hours later, once they finished their work and earned their lunch. It was just them sitting next to the dining table, the rest of the house's residents off in their own tasks.

"A little lost," Tatsuhiro answered honestly, still chewing on his beef. The younger of the two frowned slightly, taking a sip of his real orange juice and savoring the taste. "I mean, I barely see them anymore, they use every opportunity they have to skip town," he said, regretting doing it when he noticed his tone was a little judgmental when it shouldn't have been.

"Skip town?"

The purple haired believer hummed. "Even today, I told them you were here and they said they'll meet us tomorrow, since they are spending the night at the twin's place,"

"Yay! I get to see Akanechii and Tono-sama tomorrow!" he cheered, taking another big bite of his food and chewing quickly.

"That's not the part you should be focusing on," Tatsuhiro said, pointing his fork at him. "There’s something off there, I can feel it,"

"I'm sure it’s just you being overprotective," Hikaru said with an encouraging smile, reaching over the table to squeeze the other's hand shortly.

The purple eyes glance down at their contact point before replying "Maybe." He settled, preying in his heart that his hunch is wrong and that his friends were still on the right path. "At least I have _your_ company," he said, making the other grin happily, not noticing his hand being shaken off as he was distracted by the hidden compliment.

"Always!" Hikaru promised, voice slightly muffled by the fork in his mouth. But Tatsuhiro believed him, the genuineness in the golden eyes was as truthful now as it was the first time, he had made that promise.

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

Five-year-old Tatsuhiro was working with his father in the stables, swiping out the old hey into a wheelcart to be disposed of, so he could replace it later. He hated doing it, especially because Daiki got to spend the afternoon taking some of the horses out for a run, so they could get their exercise. He had asked his father countless times when he will get to do it, or ride any horse, in fact; but the older man told him firmly that he was still too small to control such beasts. The young boy disagreed with him, reminding him that his older brother got his own steed when he was his age.

He found himself groaning and turning away with his hands curled into fists when his father refused his argument, saying: "He was bigger than you are,"

It was then he decided he was going to work hard to make his father's word become untrue. And indeed, years later, it did seem like Tatsuhiro was the older child, as he was wider, with more mass to his muscles and a rougher exterior. He still remained two inches shorter though.

He only looked up from the barn's stained floor when he heard the sound of a car pulling into their driveway, knowing for sure there was no company they were expecting. His father didn’t seem confused, placing down the brush he was using to polish one of the older saddles. "Why won’t you go play with Hikaru for a little bit?" his father asked, his tone not harsh yet suggesting that there was really no place for him to refuse.

Not needing to be told twice, yet still doubtful, he nodded obediently, letting go of his pitchfork and running out of the back exit, while his father left from the front. Hikaru's house was mere seconds away, his bedroom window was open, which meant there was no need to go to the main door.

Breathing heavily, little Tatsuhiro reached up, too short to climb through but tall enough to peek inside if he jumped high enough, and that so his waving hands could capture the attention of whoever was inside. Usually, the Osari child preferred playing outside with him, but lately something had been off, making him want to spend more time in his bed than running around. Tatsuhiro didn't know why, but at least he could hope now that Hikaru will be in his room. "Hikaru!"

"Tatsu?" a questioning voice was returned to him, slow and weak as if woken up by him. When the turquoise haired boy walked to the window and saw it was indeed his best friend and not just his wild imagination, he smiled happily, feeling a shot of energy coursing through his veins. "What’re you doing? Don’t you have to help your dad?" he asked, confused when the other shook his head. The purple haired boy stepped back before the other crushed him as he climbed down the window, landing wobbly on his feet. "Did something happen?" Hikaru asked, looking behind the other's shoulder so see the unfamiliar car in front of the Nome house, driving down the sand road leading back. it was dragging a large white container with wheels behind it. "What's that car?" he asked, following it with his eyes until he couldn’t anymore.

"I think that's why dad told me to leave," the purple eyed boy said, thinking about it a little more. "But why?" he still couldn’t tell. The younger boy smiled at him knowingly taking Tatsuhiro's hand in his and beginning to walk, back to the other's house, following the mystery vehicle.

"W-wait! Where are we going…?!" the older of the two questioned but still allowed himself to be dragged along by his best friend.

"To find out!" Hikaru said simply, slowly walking down the road and occasionally stopping behind things, scanning the environment to see they weren't watched or followed.

"But my dad said-" Tatsuhiro began to protest, his conscience and upbringing telling him it was a bad thing to disobey, especially your parents, or god; but his father's former remark about his inferiority quickly overshadowed his conscience. "Never mind. Let's go," he said. _'god, please don’t let us be caught.'_ He prayed silently in his head before dragging Hikaru forward.

The young boys both jumped behind a barrel when they saw a man exiting the car, wearing a hat similar to theirs and chewing on something they knew wasn't appropriate for their age. They watched him closely as he entered the barn, their hands still clasped between them on the ground.

"He doesn't look dangerous," Hikaru whispered under his breath, not finding any alerting details in the stranger’s appearance. Then again, he was never really good at paying attention to details.

"He has a gun," Tatsuhiro noted, not sure himself if this was anything but the norm, since his own father often curried one. "We can hide behind the door." he said, turning to his best friend so he could search his face for approval or decline of the suggestion. But the turquoise haired boy nodded, straightening his cowboy hat. They got up to their feet but remained low, running quietly around the path until they reached the door, where they could hear the two adults talking.

"…you'll be doing me a huge favor."

"Sounds like you're the one losing here, bet you can sell them for thousands."

"I don’t deal with half-breeds, neither do my clients. I still don’t know how their father snuck into my stables! Trust me, when I find its owners I'm going to kill the man,"

"No need to be rash there, beasts do what they will,"

"Well, this one cost me my best stud mare…! She had years ahead of her,"

The man sounded angry, scaring the young boys as a spoke. "Hikaru, we should go." the purple haired boy whispered to his friend, who signed him to stay put, hearing the stranger sighing.

"Anyway, I rather know they are being taken care of by good people,"

That was time for the purple eyed man to sigh deeply. "Let me take a look,"

Both boys stared at each other with wide eyes for a second, hearing the footsteps coming closer to their position outside the barn. They weren't quick enough to react, not more than Tatsuhiro placing a hand on Hikaru's mouth to silence his response.

He smiled when God heard his prayer and made the two man walk past them, too focused on the white carrier t notice the two boys frozen still on the ground. Tatsuhiro looked at the car properly for the first time, his eyes twinkling when he recognized the purpose of the white container with wheels he only saw a few times in his life; he had only one guess as to what was inside.

His father looked through the cart's window, his tough expression softening only a bit. "How old are they you said?"

"Nearly a week, that's the male," he said, pointing his finger at something Tatsuhiro wished he could see. He knew Hikaru was watching him now, probably reading on his face that he connected some dots the younger was unable to.

"Look, they're impressive; but they are too young, taking care of them will be impossible-"

Tatsuhiro's father began talking again, arms crossed over his chest and shoulder held down and back. His son knew that stance, the one he took before he was about to deliver a hard message. Without a second thought, the youngest Nome child ran up to the two adults, not stopping once their gazes were on him, confusion on the stranger's face and hints of anger on his father's.

"I'll do it!" he yelled before he reached them. He stopped in front of them, feeling small when looked down at but not backing down. "I'll take care of them! I swear-" he began saying before remembering he wasn’t supposed to. " _Promise_ you won’t have to do anything!" he spoke to his dad before turning to the stranger with a bowed head. "They will have a good home here, sir. I'll make sure they are very happy!"

_'Please god please soften their hearts..'_

"I'll help!" his favorite face joined the conversation, catching up to him with quick legs and no fear, making Tatsuhiro feel more courageous. "We'll do it together sir!" he spoke to the head of the Nome household, bowing his head deeply as he promised.

"Please!" they both spoke together, heads bowed low at the two older men. Tatsuhiro didn’t dare look up, repeating his silent prayer over and over in his head, noticing from the corner of his eyes that Hikaru was doing the same, fingers going over the brown leather bracelet with a silver cross charm attached to it.

"Sure."

A single word left his father's month, lighting up Tatsuhiro's heart in a second. He looked up at him unbelievably, not wanting to question his decision but needing to make sure this miracle really was happening. The older man nodded at him once, tapping Hikaru's head to make him stop bowing. "But they are _your_ responsibility, you feed them, you bath them, you clean up after them and you train them." he said but the two young boys couldn’t hear him, too busy basking in the joy of having their prayers answered. "Go introduce yourselves," he said, sending his son running to the front of the cart, fumbling with the door, the neighbor's son following him close behind, a little more hesitant. "Be gentle! They’ll be frightened!" he said, arms still crossed and jaw stiff.

Young Tatsuhiro opened the doors wide, stepping sideways and tucking Hikaru behind him instinctively, not sure if the animals will jump outside or not. But he looked inside when nothing happened, feeling his best friend's hands over his shoulders as he did the same.

There was a chocolate brown foal inside, sitting neatly on the cell's floor with her head raised in question, her deep black eyes focused on his. It was love of first sight, he could still remember.

"So pretty," the golden eyed boy whispered in his ears, his own attention devoted to the second foal, light coated with brown mane, only his head visible, as he was hiding behind his older sister with his head on her back.

Tatsuhiro stepped forward, reaching out his hand slowly from the side, trying not to jump back when the brown foal sniffed it in suspicion mixed with the feeling of trust. She allowed him to pet her snout, making him squeal happily, which caught his father by surprise. When he stepped back, the little foal followed him, getting up on shaky feet. He helped her down, petting her back as gently as he could, wishing to convey her confidence. "Hey there," he spoke softly, retrieving his hand when she shook her neck. She was looking at her brother, their eyes speaking silently. "It's okay," Tatsuhiro told him, stepping away from his new angel to try and make friends with the younger of the two. "You're okay," he assured, not sure if the animal could really understand his words. But they could read his soul, this he always knew.

He saw his father shaking hands with the stranger at the corner of his eyes and he knew the deal was done, and that the two angels were there to stay.

It took them longer to convince caramel foal that will soon be named Temper to trust them, only getting him out of the cell with a bottle of milk reached out, which Hikaru used to get him into the stables as well. The brown sister, who will be named Pixie, much to Tatsuhiro’s father's disapproval, remained close to Tatsuhiro, following him around so closely that they bumped each other sometimes, demanding his attention.

His father told them that the siblings were entrusted to them since their mother didn’t survive their birth, passing mere days after it. Tatsuhiro hated hearing that, but couldn't focus on his own feeling when he noticed Hikaru was tearing up. The turquoise haired boy couldn’t resist his urge to hug Temper tightly, promising him that everything will be okay, and that he had a family in them, even if they are humans. The foal froze in place, beginning to cry as well, fearing the strange boy hanging onto his neck. Hikaru rushed to apologize, promising he never meant to harm.

But Tatsuhiro knew they were going to be good friends, and it only took them a few hours of playing around and feeding to understand they were meant to be.

Nightfall came before they noticed, and both boys refused to leave the stables still, claiming to not need dinners or showers. Their stubbornness was forgiven just this once, the adults seeing their hearts were pure.

"I was so surprised when I saw them, I didn’t know if I wanted to play with them or cuddle them!" Hikaru said, fingers playing with Temper's soft and thick fur, as the foal quietly slept with his head on his stomach. The two boys arranged a large stack of hey for the four of them to lie down on, right underneath the open window of the barn.

Pixie was sprawled on top of Tatsuhiro too, her breath warm against the skin of his arm. "Why surprised?" he asked, looking up at the star seeded sky above them.

"I had no idea what was in there!" Hikaru admitted, placing his arm under his head for support. "it could have been anything! Boxes of pumpkins, or a bunch of hammers and tools, or a dead body!" he began speculating, making his best friend laugh despite the familiarity with the other's wild imagination. "But we got two angels instead!" he cooed, kissing the top of Temper's head.

Tatsuhiro was still planted in his place, his laughter calming down as the words sank into his heart; Hikaru didn't know. He had no idea what it involved, and still he ran after him, he still stood next to him and pleaded for the same as him, he promised to help him without knowing what it was that he was promising, not questioning his actions, only offering a helping hand and undoubted trust. "And you still helped me," he had to point out, looking shyly at the other boy.

"Of course! You are my bestest friend in the whole world!" Hikaru exclaimed, startling the napping foals a little. But they were too tired from the day they had to mind his excess energy. "And I will stay by your side until-" he began saying stopping himself mid-sentence. Tatsuhiro tried to study his face, as it was out-of-character for him, thinking about what was coming out of his mouth. It was almost three years later when Tatsuhiro found out his friend was actually debating how long he will truly have to stick out for him, as his illness was slowly eating away his life.

But back then, when it was just the two of them, alone under the stars, in their bubble of the world where nothing was bad, he refused to think of something as sad as them not being together. "Forever." Hikaru concluded, looking back at Tatsuhiro with yellow-green eyes that appeared more crystal in the pale moonlight. "We'll be together until forever."


	3. Chapter 3

He was glad to get a call from his mother early in the morning, waking him up after he had dismissed his alarm clock's snooze button for the second time. Things were still going well at home, his younger siblings were occupying themselves without his babysitting services and his mother was taking care of herself, or so she promised him. He assured her he was doing so as well, basically given no other choice by his best friend.

He skipped his way down to the light blue car, shoving the keys inside and starting up the engine and the radio. It was nearly 8AM, so he hoped Tatsuhiro will be more impressed today by his early rising. His body was still protesting it, after all.

The song that began playing, still a part of the playlist he had arranged for his trip there, didn't even end by the time he reached the small house. His smile faded a little when he laid eyes on his childhood friend. He was sitting on the porch, his light purple eyes looking up at the skies and his hand placed upon his chest, where Hikaru knew was a simple metal cross. Biting his lips and torn between guilt and satisfaction, he pressed the car's honk, making the other man return to reality.

"You coming?" he asked, gesturing with his head to the empty front seat, but the other didn't budge.

"You can park the car in the back," he said. "But hurry, we need to get to Akane's,"

"And what do you think cars are for? Get in," Hikaru said, not understanding why his friend was questioning him on something so simple.

"Cars are overrated," Tatsuhiro said. The turquoise haired man breathed through his nose, doing as he was told to do. He took a playful bow of gratitude when his best friend opened the door for him once the car's engine went silent; and allowed himself to be led to the back of the house. He caught up to the idea once they reached the stables, where he found two horses out of their cells, quietly socializing with each other. He must have been grinning, since Tatsuhiro gazed back at him with a satisfied expression. "You do remember how to ride, right?"

"Of course!" he said with confidence, skipping ahead of his older friend and closer to his personal steed. He jumped at high as he could, trying to get on top of Temper's back. It sounded like the caramel colored horse was laughing at him along with the stableman, when his butt hit the ground. "Maybe not…?" he looked up apologetically, accepting the big hand reached out to help him back to his feet.

"Put your left foot here," the purple haired man instructed, holding onto Temper's reins to keep him in place. "grab this," he said once the other man followed his instructions, a little clumsily so, but good enough. "Now hop on,"

Temper moved in place, maybe because he wasn't used to his rider's new weight, startling Hikaru a bit. "Stay," Hikaru requested more than ordered, gripping the reins placed in his palms and stroking the stallion's dark brown mane.

"Scared?" Tatsuhiro asked him, his hands tinkering with something underneath the first layer of the settle, making the paddle his right foot was placed on go lower so the position will be more comfortable. The turquoise haired man shook his head with a denying sound, watching closely as the other stepped away from him and hopped onto Pixie's back, petting her neck in affection. "Let's go," he said, nudging her with his leg so she'll begin walking, directing her out of the stable. Luckily for the city-boy, Temper followed when he copied the moves, but it might have worked just because his horse wanted to be closer to his sister.

Being on a horse back was a feeling he almost managed to forget. It was foreign now, affecting him as if it was the first time. Every step Temper took made his whole body move too, until he remembered he needed to plant his feet hard into the cranks. The way he held the reins was childish, until he recalled he was supposed to able to slide them easily, and corrected his finger's placement. He dragged his body forward a little, so his horse will be more comfortable, and straightened his back. He found himself smiling without meaning to, his whole body feeling weightless, and the need to bob his head from side to side like the caramel steed did was becoming too strong to ignore.

They didn't pick up their speed even when reaching the road, making Hikaru feel slightly guilty, since it was probably due to his forgotten riding skills. But as if able to read his mind, his best friend informed him in wasn't the case:

"Akane's new house's not that far away, we'll be there soon,"

"Why would Akane move?" he had to ask, as this was not a thing that happened a lot in the small town. Everyone had their own corner of life, where they always were and where they will stay forever.

"His grandfather decided it was time to _expend_ the business," he tried to put it as gently as he could. For as long as Hikaru could remember, Akane and his grandfather lived only with each other, as close as two people could be, raising their prize-winning flock of chickens. Why would that cause them to move from their family home?

"Did something happen to the chickens? Were they all eaten? Or stolen? So they couldn’t live with their constant memory? Did they multiply too much so they had to get more space? Did they replace them with cows?" he began speculating, letting his mind flow in every direction, stopping only when the other man's laughter reached his ears. He wasn't laughing at him of course, which was why Hikaru only noticed how pure and contagious his laughter still was. He hadn’t expected it to be, considering the tough exterior Tatsuhiro always had only seemed to thicken.

His friend whipped a tiny tear from the corner of his eye, speaking to him without turning back. "You'll see when we get there!"

The golden eyed man rolled them, hating to be told that line. He was known to everyone, and especially to those who knew him well, for his impatience and need to know for certain, unsatisfied with only hints. But his best friend was never one to give in to his whims, always keeping him in check.

At least he could cross one of his ideas from the list; there was no way they could willingly get rid of the chickens. Those birds held grudges and sought vengeance. He learned it the hard way.

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

"Hikaru!" they both recognized the ginger's voice calling out, cutting their flowing conversation short. He was running out to the main road, wearing his work coveralls and red cap, waving his hands enthusiastically.

"Akanechii!" the turquoise haired man returned the friendly greeting, his energy matching the other's as he waved his hands over his head, nearly falling off Temper's back when it caused him to lose his balance. Luckily for him, his best friend's arm was there to grab him by the back of his shirt. He smiled apologetically before willingly dropping to the ground, patting his horse's neck before skipping ahead to meet his life-long friend.

Tatsuhiro hopped off Pixie's back, grabbing Temper's reins before he decided to wander off to chase the chickens again. He smiled warmly when Hikaru nearly picked Akane off the ground in their bone crushing hug.

"Wow! You look totally different!" Akane said when they pulled apart, his bright fiery eyes scanning his past neighbor who stood proudly before him.

"You too! Though I thought you will grow bigger than this," Hikaru said, earning a pout from the shorter man, who hated being teased for that detail.

"I'm not small!"

Tatsuhiro swallowed his laughter, leading the two horses through the main gate of the compound, tying their reins to their saddles before allowing them to roam free in the territory both of them already knew. He joined his friends, who were laughing together now, taking his position by Hikaru's side.

"So you guys can hang inside for now, I just have to finish some things for grandpa," Akane tried to wave them off, not expecting the morning chores to take longer today of all days, when he promised to spend time with his friends.

"I want to help!" the city-boy exclaimed with determination, raising his hand to volunteer. "I like farm work, it's fun!"

The two farmers exchanged a quiet conversation with their eyes, the taller informing his concerned friend that-"He's not completely useless," he admitted, making his best friend nod proudly at the note he took as a compliment. "Plus, he hadn’t been in town since you moved," he reminded the forgetful man, who's big eyes became even bigger.

"Oh my god! I gotta show you around! You'll love it!" he said, reaching out without hesitation to hold onto Hikaru's wrist, dragging him on before Tatsuhiro could warn either of them to be careful. He walked behind them with his hands in his pockets, watching his best friend as he explored the new, improved and extended Fudo farm.

His golden eyes glowed brighter with every new piece revealed and introduced to him; what once was just a yard populated by a flock of brown and white chickens, was now a large area divided to different compounds. Hikaru practically ran over to the cows, asking for their names and introducing himself. They seemed to like him enough, eyeing him suspiciously as he was a stranger, but allowing him to feed them and stroke their fur. As the newcomer was admiring the black and white creatures, Tatsuhiro helped Akane with shutting off the milking area for the day, the three of them carrying the outcome to the cooled barn, where the small farm kept the products that were to be sold.

Miroku joined them by the time they said hello to the sheep, fist bumping Hikaru and greeting him politely. Tatsuhiro hadn't expected more than that, as the youngest member of the group was never one to break his cool persona. Not that he could really be a judge for something like that.

"It's so fluffy!" Hikaru exclaimed, feeling content as he hugged one of the more patient sheep in the herd, which seemed to like the attention. Tatsuhiro's laughter only continued when he saw Temper in the corner of his eye, stopping his play-time with the dogs to give his rider a judging jealous look.

Next was their trip to the deadly-chicken's coop, one that Hikaru was dreading to follow through. He did muster the courage to do so eventually, grabbing the basket with food in it and sticking a little too close to Tatsuhiro when the three of them exchanged the delicious grain for the fresh eggs the hens had been working on. Hikaru was a little too carefree with one of them, mentioning out loud that his family's restaurant had a frequent customer that looked just like her. Perhaps it was his tone, the group's laughter, or the audacity of comparing a beauty such as the one of the prize-winning bird to the one of a mere human; but the chicken took offense, croaking a battle call before jumping on Hikaru.

Luckily for the four of them, but Akane especially, they managed to stumble outside in one piece and all the eggs they have collected intact and unharmed.

They eventually settle down in the pig's pen, both Hikaru and Akane unable to depart from the pink creatures. The conversation was simple, one of friends that never really parted. It felt exactly as it has before, raising a smile to Tatsuhiro's face that refused to disappear, as if all the pieces clicked together to form the perfect picture. Those moments of serenity were still foreign to him, as they were so rare. Or at least, until a certain distraction showed up in his horse's stable and demanded his attention all to himself.

With no talks about business or future, the hours melted away. He relaxed, leaning against the wooden wall and petting the small piglet that flopped next to him, demanding his belly to be rubbed. His brothers were running around, chased by Hikaru until they had enough and decided to chase after him instead.

"Go get him Baster!" Akane encouraged the fastest of the baby pigs. Hikaru didn't like his friend choosing the wrong side, skipping over where the ginger sat, so the flock of pink animals will run him over, focused on their target. Miroku and Tatsuhiro laughed with the turquoise haired man, as Akane squealed just like the pigs when he was trampled by them. The act continued when Hikaru abruptly stopped, turning around to face his chasers and looking down on them with a challenging sound.

The group laughed again when the piglets squealed in panic, scattering to different directions, defeated by a stronger enemy. Hikaru's laughter was pure and genuine, but not natural enough to cover up the fact it was out of breath, dangerously so.

The purple haired man opened his mouth to order his best friend to sit down and rest until he told him otherwise; but he was silenced by the sound of a bubbly guitar melody filling the pen with echo.

"I think Charlotte likes the music," Tatsuhiro said with a chuckle, his eyes looking at one of the tiny pigs, which was bobbing her head with a sleepy smile, following the rhythm.

"So cute!" Akane called out, orange eyes wide and sparkly. Miroku already had his phone out, filming the little furry creature that kept dancing to the alarm clock that was still waiting to be disabled.

"Yuzuki will love this," he noted, the corners of his lips twitched upwards, his smaller friend nodding in agreement. Tatsuhiro used their lack of focus to drag his best friend down to the ground, making him sit down and catch his breath. Hikaru didn’t protest, too distracted by the cuteness. "I didn’t know pigs could dance," Miroku said once Charlotte stopped, the music not reaching her ears anymore after a minute of ringing.

"Of course they can, I even saw one Twerking once!" Hikaru said enthusiastically, unlocking his phone's screen without looking at it. Akane and Miroku looked at him with wide non-believing eyes. "I'll find the video," he suggested, typing with skilled fingers that literally flew over the keyboard. "Is there a signal here?" he asked, noticing his browser was not responding.

"If you try hard enough," Akane said, jumping to his feet and taking out his own smartphone from his front pocket. It seemed newer than the one Tatsuhiro remembered, making him wonder when and why did he felt the need to upgrade the model. The ginger held his device up to the ceiling, frowning in concentration.

"Let me try," Miroku said, taking the phone from the other's hand and using his height to find the best signal. The gray haired teen let out a sound of satisfaction when the YouTube screen loaded, already filled with suggested videos for him. Hikaru and Akane immediately stood over his shoulders, so all three of them could look at the too-large screen.

They found the video Hikaru mentioned quickly, laughing and sharing it with the twins; they noticed another similar video that played next, which was of another pig dancing to a Taylor Swift song. Miroku wondered what was it about the singer that made animals want to jam with her, Hikaru agreeing that maybe there was something there. They were both shocked when Akane didn't understand what they were talking about, both reaching out to type something on the red phone. Akane's eyes widen when a repeated video played, of a goat that seemed to be really into the song.

The trio continued talking about it, moving from it to the female pop star, Akane mentioning he preferred another and Hikaru claiming there was no need to choose between them, and Miroku proudly declaring he preferred another, who was better than both of their opinion. Apparently his idol was just a part of a movie with another actor, which opened another discussion, about a serious of action films that Akane said will never be over.

When the old friends agreed to watch the latest installment once it reaches cinemas, Tatsuhiro completely lost track of the conversation. But he smiled and nodded, sitting with his friends once they settled on the ground again, he pretended everything was alright, when in reality- he was starting to feel bad about his ignorance the moment the word 'twerk' was used, as he had no idea what it meant.

And just like that, in a blink of an eye, his fantasy of everything still being just as they had left it, was gone. Of course it was, he never should have let himself think this way. Hikaru left five years ago, of course he was exposed to a completely different world, to new people, new cultures that shaped him to be someone else. More mature perhaps, maybe more decisive, definitely just as airheaded but less clumsy. Different, with an open mind and a pace of living that Tatsuhiro was starting to believe he couldn't keep up with.

The feeling of being lost and out of place was strong enough to make him want to ask god to get him out of the pig's pen and back to a place he felt like he belonged in. But he reminded himself just in time that he shouldn’t pray for silly things like that.

He excused himself over an hour later, reminding the protesting group that he still had work at home to get done before the day was over. He got up to his feet, dusting off his pants and fixing his hat, keeping his face natural despite the relief he felt when his friends accepted his departing. Akane promised they will see each other on Sunday morning and Miroku hesitantly agreed. Tatsuhiro could read what was written underneath the words, not knowing if to be relieved that the youngest's parents finally called him out for skipping church for almost a month in a row, or to be disappointed that this was the reason the gray-haired teen will do it.

Nevertheless, he didn't start that conversation, accepting the request to save the best friends two seats next to him. He exited the pen and breathed out a heavy sighed once out of hearing range. He found Pixie with ease, grazing near the cows peacefully, not minding her brother who was still playing with the dogs, sniffing them with interest.

Climbing up to straddle his mare, he heard Hikaru's voice calling out, accompanied by fast footsteps drumming the ground as he ran down the yard.

"Tatsu! Wait for me!" Hikaru said, swiftly making his way to his own steed and mounting him, taking Temper by surprise, but not sliding off this time. He gave Temper a gentle kick, arguing him to catch up to his sister, until the two men were on the same line. He flashed Tatsuhiro the brightest smile, waiting for his praise.

"Don’t you wanna stay?" the purple haired man said, his mare skipping ahead, hooves hitting the ground soundlessly.

"And give up a sunset ride with you?" Hikaru said simply, his horse catching up to his sister. His golden eyes didn't avoid Tatsuhiro's when caught, honest and perhaps not recognizing the meaning the words could be implying. That had to be the case, Tatsuhiro concluded immediately, reminding himself of the many times they used to do this when they were younger.

Most days they will specifically wait for the sun to start coming down, just for the magnificent rays to color their own little world as they raced. "You have to lead though, I don't know the way back," Hikaru rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, making the other man snap back into reality. He looked back on the road, recognizing an exit leading to the fields, where the view of the sunset will be clear and unbothered.

"Are you sure you can keep up?" he challenged, noticing Pixie was picking up her pace; she will not run unless told to, but she enjoyed racing through the thick grass just as much as her owner did.

"Scared of losing?" Hikaru replied with the same tone, holding tighter into the reins and smirking when he got just the reaction he desired.

"Not to _you_!" Tatsuhiro hurried to defend, his tone playfully condescending, as there was no way he was going to lose to the city-boy who hadn’t been on horseback in five years.

"We were always faster," the turquoise haired man said cockily, lifting his head up in unison with Temper, who took pride in that false belief.

"Someone has a terrible memory,"

"That someone being _you_!" Hikaru pointed out, calling out for his horse to dash forward, which is exactly what he did. It took a short second for the stable-boy to react, loosening his hold on his horse's reins so she could follow her younger brother, whining happily.

It was the best feeling in the world. Tatsuhiro thought so since the first time his father allowed him to take Pixie out for a run. The noise of the world around him became pale in comparison to the whistling of the wind in his ears, and the detailed view of the fields and far-off houses became a blur of colors and textures, mixed together to create harmony. He couldn’t help the happy call that escaped his mouth when he and his horse soared through the land splayed in front of them, leaving behind nothing but dust and hooves-steps. He looked to his right to see that Hikaru was still there, worried for a second he might have lost his balance. But his childhood friend was still intact, one of his hands holding the reins and the other placed upon the hat he was given a week ago, to stop it from being carried off by the wind.

"This is the best feeling in the world!" Hikaru screamed happily through his laughter, which Tatsuhiro joined to as well. He felt a heavy burden lifted then; the weight that settled in his chest for a while and completely sank in today was melting away an off his heart. He had to accept the fact that Hikaru was different now, how could he not be after all this time spent so far away and under stranger's influence? And still, without him saying anything, his best friend voiced his exact thoughts…maybe there was still a big enough part of the old Hikaru left. The one who enjoyed the simple things in life, who never needed anything more than a few bananas and his family by his side, the hard worker who was clueless most of the time yet had moments of pure heart-wisdom.

Of course, Hikaru was too confident, losing epically to the more experienced rider, who got back to the farm with almost 10 seconds to spare. But he wasn't a sore loser, informing his best friend that he will win the next time, or the one after it. They led their horses back to the stables, removing their saddles and filling up their water and food, so they could recharge.

"Ah! I'm exhausted!" the turquoise haired man sighed as they exited the barn, stretching his arms over his head and behind his back, to ease his shoulders. "But I can still help around with your chores, so don't worry!" he hurried to add, knowing that his friend still had obligations he couldn't dismiss.

"Daiki volunteered to cover for me today, actually." Tatsuhiro said, walking next to him with a matching pace. "He said he needed the _distraction,_ " he quoted his older brother, his confused expression matching Hikaru's, both of them knowing it was out of the older sibling's character.

"Weird, did he say he wants something in return?" the golden eyed man wondered, glancing over at his best friend, who shook his head in denial.

"Not yet," he said with a knowing smile, the other man nodding in understanding. A short second of silence that followed after, made the older of the two noticed the heavy breathes that ripped through the younger's nose, suitable for someone who just ran 10 miles, not someone just casually walking on flat ground. "You’re okay?" he had to ask, sure that his concern was obvious on his face.

Hikaru tilted his head to the side playfully. "Why wouldn't I be?" he asked, his breath not becoming less heavy even when he was aware of it. "It's been a long d-day," he said in his most innocent voice, coughing a little at the end but choking it down. "That's it," he assured with his smile still attached.

But it didn’t stop Tatsuhiro's mind from skipping a few steps forward, a sickening memory of Hikaru collapsing on the ground and coughing out blood, making him panic. He grabbed the other's wrist to make him stop walking and look him in the eye so he won't be able to lie.

"The alarm earlier," he speculated, fitting the pieces of the puzzle together. "It was to take your medicine wasn't it?!"

His tone must have come out a little too threatening, or too aggressive, because Hikaru shook his hand off, stepping farther away, eyebrows frowned. "I'll take it when I get back to the motel I promise," he said, not getting angry since he knew the man standing across from him was there to witness what missing his medicine could cause. But he also knew Hikaru hated taking it in front of people, since it made him feel weak and helpless.

"Take it now," Tatsuhiro told him more than requested, but looked away when he did. The older of the pair moved then, sitting down on one of the tire stacks lined around the back of the barn, too high for them to climb when they were younger, but only requiring a high jump and some arm muscle now. Hikaru followed him a second later, not taking the offered helping hand and climbing next to the stable-boy on his own. His feet swayed in the air as he tossed a pink pill into his mouth.

He was still struggling with choking it down without any liquid or food, which was probably why Tatsuhiro poked his side, making him gasp so the pill disappeared down his throat. He coughed a little, but kept it down, the corners of his mouth turning upwards in content. "Thanks Tatsu,"

Tatsuhiro hated how quickly and how upset he had gotten, over just a tiny detail. Especially now when years had passed and Hikaru was capable of treating himself and staying alive and healthy. "You should rest," he said gently, his concern passing but just barely. He patted Hikaru's thigh, intending to be comforting, but instead making the other man squirm in pain. "S-sorry sorry!" he hurried to apologize , making sure his friend wasn't hurt anywhere and pulling his hands away before they cause more harm. But his fingers are held onto a second later by the other's.

"It's fine, my legs hurt from riding," the golden eyed man told him with a playful tilt of his head and an optimistic smile. "I just have to get used to it, right?"

All that Tatsuhiro could do was hum in return, his ability to form words lost when he felt the other's head resting on his shoulders, their hands still held together and resting on his leg, soft turquoise hair tickling his collarbone. His purple eyes shot around in wonder, searching for someone else who might be watching them, needing to make sure they really were alone. Only when he was convinced the quiet sunset was theirs alone, he felt the tension starting to leave his body, slowly and regretfully, making him relax against the other body. His cheek rested against the top of his best friend's head and his eyes closed shut, as he focused on the other's breath, now even, smooth and just like it was supposed to be.


	4. Chapter 4

Hikaru will never say it out loud, but he was kind of glad when the day came to an end. The work in the Nome family farm had been piling up over the last few days, since the eldest brother was absent ever since the one day off he gave the two childhood friends. They were out in the sun working from early morning hours to the sunset, hardly having strength left in them after the long day to mount their horses and go on a run. Luckily, Tatsuhiro never refused to carry him in, not protesting when he hopped on his back with his last bit of energy.

"Where is everyone?" Hikaru asked, untangling his legs from around the other's waist and standing on his own, the moment they entered the house. Usually, they were the last to come back, and the rest of the Nome family will be going through their evening routine; finishing up dinner preparations, watching TV and talking among themselves. But now all the lights but the one Tatsuhiro just turned on were out and nothing made noise but their boots being placed on the floor.

"No idea," the one living in the now-haunted house said casually, not minding the silence. He could think of a few reasons as to why his parents weren't there. Maybe a gathering with their friends, or church duties for the next morning Sunday ceremony, perhaps even a rare but possible romantic dinner. Either way, they won't be back for a long time, and he had been feeling guiltier and guiltier for sending Hikaru back to his motel room every night. He was sure his mother won’t approve of the other man moving in with them for the rest of his stay, but one night won't hurt anyone. "Want to stay over, then?"

Hikaru's smile threatened to split his face into two and he nodded frantically, skipping into the house with a new wave of energy. "YES! We can have a sleepover like we used to!" was his first thought, many memories of them as young boys flooding his mind, filling him with happy warmth." I don’t think we can stay in the stables anymore though," he said a little disappointed, not imagining there is still a haystack big enough to fit both of them on it. Tatsuhiro smiled at him kindly and hummed in agreement.

"Good. So you can go shower first, pick whatever you want from my closet. Towels are at the bottom drawer," He said, gesturing with his head toward the closed door of his room. Hikaru saluted playfully and marched toward the room he used to sneak into, trying to come up with a way to look for clothes without messing the other's closet, as he couldn’t keep his own ever organized.

The purple haired man didn’t watch over him, knowing he learned his way around the house years ago, and that the house didn’t change much since then. He hanged his hat in his room, taking Hikaru's off for him since the turquoise haired man didn’t notice it still being on. As his guest locked the bathroom's door, Tatsuhiro walked into the kitchen, reminded by his stomach that he was starving after a long day. There were no pots on the counter though, like there usually were, and the stove was empty and cold…he peaked into the fridge with observant eyes but there were no white boxes with yesterday's leftovers either. Frowning, he closed the refrigerator's door and looked for a note or some hint as to why his caring mother, who always thought and cooked ahead, didn't; but he found nothing he other than the many family photos that always decorated the metallic door.

Before he allowed himself to come up with a crazy theory like his parents being kidnapped or leaving him behind, he walked back to his room with big steps, pulling open the first drawer in his desk, where he always left his phone. He turned the little black device on, waiting for the screen to come to life. He breathed out in relief when he saw there was a text from his father, informing him that they were all invited for a family dinner by Daiki and his girlfriend, but since Tatsuhiro was too busy doing other things to come back home in time or answer his phone, they left without him.

He was once again glad for having Hikaru back in his life, since if he wasn't there, the purple eyed man would have been destined to a night full of relationship talk. Not that he couldn't appreciate his brother being happy with someone, that's all he ever wished for him. But that was what their parents wished for Tatsuhiro as well, and they never missed an opportunity to ask him about it. Many times over, he tried to explain to them he had no interest in a relationship at the moment, as he needed to focus on living his life…but they refused to accept it was that simple. He couldn't blame them though, judging by his past he knew what their true concern was…but it wasn't something to be settled over a family dinner. Or over anything really.

"What got you thinking so hard…?"

He straightened his face the best he could, turning around towards his friend, now fresh and clean, his hair wrapped in a high bun to keep it dry. Tatsuhiro's clothes were slightly too big on him, as he still lacked some muscle mass to fill it up. Although he had been getting more muscular thanks to working on the farm, tanner too, but not enough for his fair skin to not be called that anymore…

"Change in plans," he hurried to say, speaking to stop his own thoughts from venturing farther. "We should go eat outside, my mom didn't cook anything," he said, only now understanding that his mother tried to punish him by doing so. "It's my treat," he said, rubbing the back of his neck apologetically. "I know you're tired-"

Hikaru didn’t need him to be sorry though, not seeing any problem. "Don’t worry, I got everything under control!" he said with a beaming smile, feeling confident.

"You sure?" the older of the two had to ask, not knowing what the other meant and if it really was okay to leave it for him. But his childhood friend just nodded again, skipping away from him. "Go shower while the water is still warm!" he called out from the living room.

So Tatsuhiro did, picking out long gray pants and a black tank top for himself to wear. He usually liked to take his time in the shower, scrubbing all of his sweat away and get rid of the remaining dirt that stuck to his skin; but he rashly cleaned himself off today, mostly because he was curious as to what Hikaru was planning, but also because he didn’t trust his brain to stay quiet.

When he stepped out of the steamy bathroom, his nose was filled with a delicious smell, of roasted onions and ham. With his stinky clothes still in his hands, he followed the scent, ending up in the kitchen of course. His eyes nearly popped out of their place by the scene playing in front of him: as promised, his childhood friend took control of their situation. The doted purple apron that usually served his mother, was now tied around Hikaru's waist, he was steering the yellow pot with a wooden spoon, singing along carelessly with the song played from his phone. The device was propped up against the counter, next to a chopping board with carrots and potatoes on it, peeled yet still whole.

"Tatsu!" the turquoise haired man called when he noticed him standing there, bright smile indicating how proud of himself he was.

"What’re you doing?" Tatsuhiro asked even though it was obvious, urging his feet to move so he can get to the laundry room, shoving his clothes into the basket.

"Making dinner," the answer was simple as it could have been. "Aren’t you hungry?" Hikaru asked with curious golden eyes, putting the wooden spoon aside and took hold of the large knife he used to chop the meat with.

"Very." The stable boy admitted, stepping back into the kitchen, his stomach reacting quickly to the aroma of cooking meat. "So you _can_ cook," he noted, coming closer to peak into the pot, not missing the fact Hikaru was almost done with chopping the vegetables, his hands working in record speed. "Amazing," he breathed out before he could filter it, making his childhood friend laugh.

"I'm not that good," he said, ducking his head a little under the watchful purple eyes. "I help mom in the restaurant a lot, so I have to know the basics at least," he explained, lifting the chopping board off the counter so he could pour the prefect sized yet unevenly cut vegetables in.

"Mom doesn't let us even _enter_ the kitchen when she cooks,” the taller of the two noted, leaning against the dining table, not knowing what to do with himself as he was utterly useless in that territory. "But I did help her make rice once," he noted, making the other chuckle. "It's not funny!"

"Yes it is!" Hikaru insisted turning back over his shoulder to give him a calming smile.

"I can grill meat just fine though, so I guess I'll live off that." He said, not really seeing the problem with that simple plan.

Hikaru's smile remained strong as he hummed in agreement, but he turned his head back, keeping his hands busy by seasoning the quick stew he was improvising. "You own me a barbeque night then," he said, thanking the other man when he pitched in the best he could, picking up the spices Hikaru was done with and placing them back in the cabinet.

"We can do it next week, my dad goes to the market on Thursdays so I'll ask him to pick up some good meat,"

"We can take my car and go ourselves," the city boy found an immediate solution. "How about tomorrow?"

The purple haired man wasn't surprised that his friend forgot which day tomorrow was, as he spent his Sundays in the company of Akane and Miroku rather than god and Jesus. Tatsuhiro tried his best not to bug him about it, knowing that Hikaru came to town in order to change his routine, and church was such a mundane thing, a habit- unexciting compared to hanging out with his friend. "it's Sunday tomorrow, the market's closed."

"Monday then?" Hikaru asked, placing the lid on the pot so everything can be cooked until soft.

"Why the hurry? You're planning on leaving sometime soon?" the older of the two asked with an amused huff of breath, his body stiffing and his arms pulled to his chest when the other man turned to face him with a bitten smile. His lips turned into an 'o' shape but no sound escaped through them. He never dared to ask Hikaru about the length of his visit, probably since no answer other than 'I'm going to stay forever' would have eased his heart.

"Will you show me where the rice is?" The golden eyed man requested, watching as his friend pulled out the rice bag from under the sink. "Thanks," he said, beginning to prepare the rice cooker. "I don’t know when I'll leave," he said, his back turned to his best friend, who took a seat next to the table in the meantime, his body remembering how tired it was suddenly. "But I can't get too comfortable, you know?"

"Why?" Tatsuhiro asked, his eyes looking at the flames burning under the pot, tracing the shapes of each individual blue branch of fire. "You said you came here to get away from the city, because it was making you sicker,"

"Not the city, " Hikaru corrected, pouring enough rice to feed two hungry men into the cooker before returning the large bag to its original place. "It's just…" he began saying, thinking how to present the problem he never discussed with anyone before. "I was getting really stressed. Trying to 'find myself', I guess," he phrased, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand and turning the rice cooker on with the other.

"Find yourself?" Tatsuhiro asked, a splinter of hope dazzling in his heart as he wondered what are the odds that Hikaru was struggling with the same problem he had been struggling within the time that passed since his graduation.

"You know," the turquoise haired man said, turning back to take the chair in front of the stable boy next to the dinner table, not looking at him directly. "What to do next; like, I need to help my mom at the restaurant and babysit the little ones. But then, won't it be better to find a good paying job? that way maybe she won't have to work so hard…" he began saying, placing his head on his hands and sighing. "No way I can afford college, and even if I somehow get a scholarship I don't think I can get into any school because of my grades," he admitted with a pout. "But how are you supposed to get super rich without a college degree, or being extremely lucky?!"

Tatsuhiro could relate to his feelings, which was why he didn't voice his first instinct and said 'God has a plan for everyone, you must trust him to lead you down your own right path.'; as he couldn't even ease his own mind with that thought.

"Sorry, I shouldn't complain-" Hikaru began to apologize, his face not hiding the fact that he was slightly startled, scared that he had ruined their night with his troubles, so much so that his best friend couldn't even talk to him now.

"No, please do!" Tatsuhiro cut him off, catching his eyes in his own before he really considered what he had said, finding the golden color reflecting confusion. "I m-mean-" he mumbled, looking away. "I don't like that you're unhappy… but it does make me feel slightly better, to know I'm not the only one completely lost," he admitted, his eyes cast down at the blue table cloth of the dining table.

"Y-you are..?" Hikaru's voice came across as uncertain and slightly hesitant, questioning the one who felt like he shouldn't be questioned.

"Is it that bad?" Tatsuhiro wondered, face slightly frowned in worry as he looked up at the other man.

"No! Not at all!" the younger hurried to say, smiling at his childhood friend to try and reassure him that he- "I'm just…surprised? I guess it's unexpected," he tried his best to explain, knowing he failed by the remaining frown on the handsome face of his friend. "'Cause, you know, God has a plan doesn’t he?"

Tatsuhiro's lips twitched upwards at that, reminded once again of how much he liked having his best childhood friend by his side once more. "He does." He agreed. "I just have zero clue what it is," he admitted, feeling the weight lifting off his heart the more he spoke. "I don’t want to be like my parents, you know? I mean, I love them to death, but settling down when I'm 20 seems so….boring," he settled, not finding a better way to describe it and feeling shame for the way he did. "But that's the normal way of things, so I really don’t know what's wrong with me," he huffed out with a bitter chuckle, that stopped when he felt a warm hand covering his own.

"Absolutely nothing!" Hikaru assured him warmly, letting go of his hand in favor of hopping back in front of the boiling pot, to steer the delicious smelling stew he was making. "It feels weird because you are one of the few people here who wish for something more…that's it!" he declared suddenly, turning around with the wooden spoon still in his hand and the brightest smirk splayed over his lips. "You should go back home with me!"

Tatsuhiro just blinked at the spoon now pointed directly at him. He almost corrected the determined ‘man with a plan’ in front of him, saying that they were already home, before he reminded himself that on the city-boy's lips, the word referred to a different place and to different people.

"It’ll be perfect!" the turquoise haired man insisted, a vision clearly in his head, judging by the brightness of his eyes. "You'll love it! There are so many people, and everyone is different, and you can be whoever you want to be!" he said enthusiastically, placing the spoon back on the counter when he noticed Tatsuhiro was staring at it instead of focusing on him. "There are so many things to do and so much to see!" he continued on with high energy, making the other man laugh, shaking his head at his friend's sudden extreme passion for the place he ran away from.

"Why did you came back here if it was so wonderful there?" he had to ask one last time.

"I thought that being in a quiet place will make it easier to hear what my heart had to say," he said, soft smile still intact as he slumped back down at the chair in front of his best friend. "Maybe you need to go to a louder place to make your heart start to speak…?" he tried to explain with a nervous chuckle, unsure of his own phrasing. "Won’t it be great? There are so many possibilities for you to choose from…plus,"

Tatsuhiro could only stare at him with soft purple eyes, taking in every word and description of the beautiful picture he painted into both their minds. "Plus…?" he promoted when the other man ducked his head, his smile turning a little shy.

"I'll be 1000% calmer when you are there, and then you won’t have to worry about me because I'll be right there…I have so many places I want you to see, and my friends are super curious about my 'mysterious cowboy'-" he said, quoting the exact words and making the other man chuckle, holding his fingers to his temple.

"Do they really call me that?" said cowboy asked unbelievably, not surprised over silly city-boys' exaggeration. Hikaru just hummed simply, not seeing any problem.

"We can do new things every day! Like ride the subway and get lost somewhere! Or Go to the ocean! You never been in the ocean right?" he asked, continuing when his friend nodded shortly. "And we can go and watch baseball! There's a stadium two stations away from my house!" he exclaimed, laughing happily when he saw the man sitting across from him was smiling calmly, listening to his words instead of dismissing them instantly. "We can do whatever we want," he said, looking for any warning sign in the light purple eyes as he hesitantly reached out to place his hands on top of his best friend's. "We can figure it out together." He assured with his most convincing smile, tilting his head to the side.

_'Thank you lord, for bringing him into my life.'_ Tatsuhiro prayed in his heart the moment he heard the words. He knew he had no real reason to feel so relieved, as both of them were just as lost, confused and unsure of what they needed to do. Hikaru had to worry about his family first, he couldn't let them down, they were dependent on him and the last thing he needed was another confused searching soul to weight him down. But he also believed his childhood friend when he said he needed him, every one of the many times he said so. And even if Tatsuhiro tried to deny it, it was impossible to ignore the fact he needed Hikaru too.

The thought of leaving his home behind was terrifying, even more now than it ever been, maybe because it was starting to feel like an actual possibility. He wouldn't make it a day on his own, if his friends' pop culture talks were any indications to his city-life skills; but how badly could he really fail if he gave it a try? he could always come back if he does…

When a short moment of silence stretched between them, his ever-cheerful friend looking at him with bright golden eyes. Tatsuhiro chuckled shortly, turning his palms up so he could take the paler hands in his own, lifting them up and leaning on his elbows. "I'll think about it, okay?" he said, not allowing his heart to take over his rational thinking. He knew himself, and there wasn't anything he could refuse Hikaru when he pleased with those hopeful golden eyes, looking at him as if he will be the happiest man in the world if Tatsuhiro will grant his wish.

Luckily for him, his weakness wasn't exploited. Hikaru's attention was no longer his a second later, when the rice cooker rang out twice; signing that it was time for their stomachs to finally be filled. The cook got off his seat, opening both pots with each of his hands, looking from one to the other to make sure everything was ready. He turned around to smirk at his best friend, feeling very satisfied with himself. "Hungry?"

" _Starving,_ " Tatsuhiro said, getting up as well to set the table, something he did know how to do. They both have their plates filled in a matter of a short minute, sitting back at the table with water glasses and forks, ready to devour anything in their way. Tatsuhiro felt no shame when he hummed around his fork when he took the first bite, the rich taste sticking to his tongue. "This is amazing," he muttered, taking a larger fork-full and nearly forgetting to chew. Hikaru smiled with stuffed cheeks, his heart beaming by the compliment. "But my mom's better," he added jokingly, caught off guard by a strong leg kicking his in protest. He laughed, shifting his legs to catch the kicker's foot between them, trapping him in place. Hikaru smirked playfully, trying to pull it away but failing. They both laughed when the shorter's leg tried to free the other out, making him slide lower in his chair when the taller pulled him down.

"Tatsuhiro? You're here?" a new voice neither one of them remembered to expect made both of them straighten up, their laughter died in their throats out of habit. Neither heard the lock being turned but both heard the heavy steps approaching the kitchen. "We brought you some take out-" it was his older brother, standing tall and strong, leather boots dark against the wooden floor. He stopped a little farther than he intended to, seeing that his brother was not alone as previously believed. "Hi Hika-chan," the older man greeted in a friendly tone, his smile unfading by the visitor who was wearing his brother's clothes.

"Hello!" the cheerful man returned, waving his hand.

"You missed quite an evening little bro," the newcomer said, clearly proud of himself and trying to get said brother's attention and curiosity. Although Tatsuhiro was more interested in seeing his parent's faces, now that they were standing behind their eldest son.

But they didn’t seem too surprised to see Hikaru there, or at least, so said their content and pleased expression. Daiki was watching him closely, leaning forward with a mischievous smile, promoting him. He felt his friend's leg nudging his again, this time just touching his shin gently, trying to get him to respond since he froze a little. "Out with it, then," Tatsuhiro told his smug brother, wondering what could possibly have made him that happy.

"Well, since you _asked_ …" he said as if he was doing him a huge favor, his smile tripling in size and his hands rising in front of him to emphasize the greatness of his next words, spoken with sheer happiness and pure excitement. "She said yes!"

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

"Sorry I kicked you out,"

Hikaru laughed shortly, not knowing how his friend knew to call him exactly when he shut his car's engine off. "You should be, it was really rude!" he said playfully, skipping up the outer stairs of the motel he was staying in, making it to the second floor. "I'm joking!" he hurried to assure the other man when he noticed there was no reply. He guessed Tatsuhiro was overthinking things in his head and beating himself up. He didn’t miss the sigh of relief that the other breathed. "I knew I had to leave the moment your parents walked in," he said, turning the keys in the room's lock to get inside. It was just as he left it, his blanket kicked off to the side hastily as he found out he almost overslept, his pajamas lying scattered around the room. 

"It's not like they hate you, I promise." His best friend hurried to reassure him, voice honest as expected.

"I believe you." Hikaru said after a moment of considering it. He didn't really have any other choice if he wanted to keep being friends with the purple haired family-man; neither could he blame Tatsuhiro's worried and protective religious parents for 'not hating' him. "So, when's the wedding?" he changed the topic quickly, giving up a moment later on fixing the room that night. He pressed the speaker button before tossing his phone over to the bed.

Tatsuhiro's deep sigh was loud enough for him to hear even without his phone. "It's next Tuesday…" he said, with a tone that was best described as abnormal, full of bitterness and tiredness, as if he had given up something important.

"Why are you not thrilled?" Hikaru asked in response, pulling his shirt off his head and wrinkling his nose when he smelled it. He had to switch back to his normal clothes before leaving the Nome house. "I mean, you'll have to work harder on the farm and stuff but your brother’s getting married! It's exciting," he tried to reason, his thoughts wondering back to his own little siblings. He could only imagine the type of emotional rollercoaster he will go to when one of them gets married; concern, happiness, nostalgia, pride, protectiveness, joy… but he still couldn't relate to the lack of enthusiasm his best friend was presenting.

"I know that." Tatsuhiro said a little harshly, but the other wasn't baffled.

"Is it because it's so soon?" he tried to guess, tossing the dirty clothes into his laundry bag before tossing himself on the bed, grabbing his phone and lying down. "Because I get it, I mean, I can try understanding the urgency in having sex but can't they do it without the rings on?"

"That's a sin, so _no_." Tatsuhiro replied his playful joke a little too quickly, which made him seemed a little too threatened by the subject. It made the turquoise haired man chuckle under his breath, finding it sweet. "But I don’t think that's why I'm... weird about it," the older of the two tried to phrase his thought, promoted to keep going by Hikaru's listening silence. "Daiki is just two years older, you know? Like, what if now it's my turn, or something...?"

Then, Hikaru's silence was not a beneficial one, as neither one of them knew what to say. The thought terrified them both. Particularly the older, who was already feeling anxious, his eyes constantly shifting their gaze from the view outside his window and to his door, to make sure no one was listening in on him.

He knew everyone, his mother especially, noticed his strange reaction to the news. He congratulated his brother of course, and listened for long minutes as his pleased parents briefed him on the week of preparations they were going to have. He also ran to his room the first opportunity he had, calling his personal panic suppresser.

"Two years is a long time," Hikaru settled for saying, putting his phone on the pillow he wasn't using and busying himself with unbraiding his hair. Tatsuhiro did his equivalent of that, picking up his 10kg arm weight.

"Not to my parents, they always think I should catch up," he said, gritting his teeth when he lifted the weight up, a little out of shape now. Working out had become a good habit he acquired for himself, but lately, he rather spend his time elsewhere. Tatsuhiro sighed again, his panic getting worse. "I can't get married, no way," he chanted, seeing in his head the horror images that were planted there since he was young, of white dresses and black tuxes and a priest reciting old words.

"Relax, it's against religion to force you, right?" Hikaru tried to reason with him, leaning on his side and looking down at his phone, as if it will make it easier for the man on the other line to feel him more. "You don’t have to be anyone other than yourself," he said the words he wished he could have said earlier, now, when he was alone, wondering if it really would have mattered then. "If marriage is not a part of your plan, you don’t have to do it."

"I don't have a plan," Tatsuhiro sighed again, balancing the phone between his shoulder and his ear. "I don't know what I want to do,"

"Sometimes it’s enough to know what you _don't,_ " Hikaru said, not knowing how to interpret the silence on the other end of the line, as he couldn’t study the other's face or body language. He never had many chances to give pep talks, as most people didn't trust someone care-free as him with their problems. But he truly wished he made some difference for the better, anything to make his best friend rest easy.

"You'll come, right?" Tatsuhiro asked after a short yet stretched silence, his tone slightly less strained, easing the golden eyed man's heart.

"To your aid? Always!" he called happily, double-tapping his phone's screen so it won’t go dark and he could continue staring at his best friend's name displayed. Hearing his laughter made Hikaru straighten up a little, smiling to himself.

"To the wedding, silly." The other man clarified, placing his weight down and moving to lay on his bed.

"Ah…no…?"

Tatsuhiro frowned, sitting up against the hardboard, not seeing that outcome since his friend never refused him when he asked for something. "Why not?"

Hikaru rolled onto his back, staring at the unmoving fan on the ceiling. "I'm not family or anything, why would I?" he went with an excuse that sounded reasonable enough, knowing that the real reason was something he _never_ wanted to discuss with his best friend.

"Everyone in town is coming," Tatsuhiro replied simply, not minding the little strain in Hikaru's voice, since it was hidden very well. "That includes Akane and Miroku, so you have no one to keep you company if you don’t come," he continued before his friend could make any more excuses he won’t accept.

"I can use a day on my own, get up late, play my phone all day and then nap some more…" the turquoise haired man said playfully, half-singing the words and biting back his sigh when his best friend spoke again.

"Hikaru," he said, short and genuine, piercing right into the other's already bare and open heart. He could hear the words Tatsuhiro didn’t say, just as clearly as he would if he was the one speaking them. _Please, I need you, I want you there, be by my side, help me deal with the knowing looks and the judgment of God and men._ Oh wait, that last one was Hikaru's own thought.

"Fine," he said, trying not to sound defeated, concurring his sigh and the tightness in his chest. "But you owe me 5- no 10! Bananas!" he said playfully, breaking the tension before it was built by the realization of what he just agreed to do.

"Deal." Tatsuhiro agreed, his smile obvious in his voice and his emotion clearly heard in his tone. Relief, comfort and newly found optimism- as he chose to trust Hikaru to help him now, when they spent almost all of their lives in an opposite situation. Hikaru was glad for it; it was the only thought slowing his mind enough so he could fall asleep. He was going to concur himself and put on a brave face, he was going to help his beloved friend in the little he could. And if it meant biting his tongue and closing his eyes and ears to what was going around him, so be it.


	5. Chapter 5

As he expected, their crushed sleep-over party was the last time he got to see his best friend for the next week. They still talked every day, Tatsuhiro insisted on it, voicing his concern for Hikaru's loneliness. The younger man had to reassure him that there was no need to worry about him, since he often hung out with Miroku and Akane, and finally had an opportunity to wake up at noon, catching up to the hours of sleep he was deprived of.

It was hard being without him, Hikaru would admit only to himself, not wanting his best friend to feel farther guilt. But he knew there was no other alternative. Daiki was Tatsuhiro's only brother, meaning he only got to do it once and there was so much work to be done. He had to spend almost 18-hours making flower arrangements with his mother and soon-to-be sister in law. One day got him to nearly punch someone, as he needed to run around town with his dad and pack their car with tablecloths, food dishes and centerpieces. Then, he had to carry the 15 boxes into their home a couple at a time- only to get an urgent call from his mother telling them to take it straight to the church. Another day, which was totally dedicated to choosing everyone's clothes- he ended up with a headache. There was also speech-writing, menu-planning, sitting arrangements map…

Many times over, Hikaru, Akane and Miroku offered their help, as extra muscles or hands, but they were refused nicely, as the Nome's' enjoyed the preparations. Tatsuhiro assured him he shared the sentiment despite his low remaining energy, since he liked to feel useful and spend time with his family.

The day before the wedding, Hikaru woke up at the late morning, wore clothes he knew he could ruin without his mom being mad at him, and took the half-hour walk to the Nome farm. He knew his friend won’t be there, but driving back and forth between the market and his home, getting the meat, vegetables and grains to be made into the wedding feast planned by the women of the family.

Hikaru pulled one of his earphones out once he reached his destination, looking around to see if there was anyone to greet hello, but finding none of the busy souls out of the small light-blue house. He got to the stables on autopilot, wrinkling his nose once he slide the door open and smelt the strong odor, an evidence to the little time the stable-boy had to maintain them in the passing week. Temper whined happily when he saw him, tapping his hooves and clearly ready to be taken out of his cell to stretch his legs and run free.

"Sorry Temp, I have to clean first," he said, feeling the need to apologize to his loyal horse. The steed huffed out through his nose, clearly unhappy, glaring at Pixie, who was dozing off at the corner of her cell. "I'll be super quick!" he promised cheerfully, tucking his earphone back inside and hitting 'shuffle' on his playlist, smiling when an upbeat song that was a personal favorite began playing, getting him in the mood for hard work. He rolled up his sleeves and his pants to his knees, breathing out before getting to work.

He started with opening all the stable doors and windows, allowing the warm summer wind to enter and refresh the air. Then he took a shovel in his hand and began scooping up the dirty hey in the horses' cells, now thicker and less fresh than usual. Most of the horses still remembered him, from the time he wasn't tall enough to look them in the eye, and the new ones were friendly enough, sniffing him a little too curiously. He was glad for it, thinking that even the animals knew he was an outsider here, but chose to accept his care regardless.

His shirt was already sticking to his back by the time he got rid of the last load, disposing of it behind the barn, where the compote was to be made every few days. He had no idea how his best friend did that every day on his own until he showed up. Actually he did, Tatsuhiro was just that strong.

Shaking that thought out of his head, he skipped to the barn, allowing the music still playing to give him more energy, so he could roll around a new stack of hey. Using a pitchfork he dissolved it, padding the cells carefully. He filled up the horses' feed and water, taking a few large gulps himself, remembering that if his best friend was here he would have told him to do so.

When he approached his horse for the first time that day, a little passed 3PM, his nose wrinkled on its own, reacting to his steed's smell. Not that he could blame the majestic creature, summer in the farm was hot, and he had been making Temper work out a good sweat every day…"How do you feel about a shower?" he asked, the caramel horse looked up from his food, still chewing on some straw but his ears perked up in interest.

So Hikaru petted Temper's neck and exited his cell, leaving it open for the trained horse to step out without running away. With one earphone stuck in his right ear and his left ear open for any horse-complaints, he grabbed a pink brush and began combing through the short caramel fur. "Good boy," he told his trusted horse when he stayed in place without being tied, patient and even enjoying the pre-cleanup, the strong brush itching him just right.

It was when Hikaru led his now un-dusty horse closer to the hose and drain, when his phone ran out of battery, reminding him he should have charged it during the night. So with a sigh he rolled the earphones around it and placed it over one of the shelves, to keep it dry, not wanting his mom to kill him if he broke it.

His horse seemed to enjoy the cold water on his fur, leaning closer to the hose opening. Hikaru stepped back right in time for Temper to shake, spraying water everywhere. "You like that, don’t you?" he teased his steed, reaching out for the large bottle of yellow soap and poring a good amount on both his hands. This was just what he needed, he decided for sure as soon as he began soaping the large animal, making him look like a white-bubbly cloud.

The stable was the place he had spent most of his time as a young teen in, the place he was most comfortable in, as it was the place Tatsuhiro and him could be completely alone. As he scrubbed the caramel-colored fur, he couldn't help but reminisce about all of their shared time spent there; lying on the dirt because they didn't care, watching the stars and talking about their future, their dreams, everything they will do when they are old….

Inevitably, those memories led him to one he had been suppressing, making him think about the promise he made to go to church the next day.

His soaping must have become too aggressive, because Temper nudged him off, glaring at him sideways in judgment. As if he needed more of that. "Sorry," Hikaru muttered, turning the water back on to remove the soap and dirt. "So handsome!" he praised his horse when he was done, running his fingers through his wet mane, combing it. He was stretching over to dry his steed, when he caught the eye of Pixie, looking at him pleadingly with her big warm eyes. A look around the stables made him realize the brown mare wasn't the only one demanding attention. He chuckled, nudging his horse back into his cell, now a perfect example of a groomed steed. "Who's next?"

Keeping his rhythm, he took one horse at a time, a quick yet useful brush, then a thorough shower, the horses' visible appreciation helping him maintain his smile despite his growing despair.

He told himself it will be okay, that he was worried for nothing; his hands running over the horse's back, a little more at the point the back met the neck, where the saddle was to be placed. He tried to convince himself that he didn’t need the stress, going down and up the strong legs, spreading bubbles as he went. He reminded himself who he was doing it for, washing the neck and head, careful on the ears and eyes. In his last attempts he thought about making a statement, walking into the church with his head held high and his back straight, as if everything that happened slid right off his back; like the cool water washed away the dirt and foam off the spoiled horses, disappearing down the drain and forgotten.

But his conclusion was that he was dwelling for nothing, that this part of his life was behind him. He felt optimistic when he returned every clean horse to its cell, before taking out another one and telling himself that everything will be okay. And then the cycle began again.

He only stepped out of his own head when forced to, reaching his last horse of the day, his second- favorite by a close margin, a beautiful chocolate-colored mare that belonged to his best friend. Somehow, she seemed to know what he was feeling, offering her support by pushing her head to his chest, nuzzling him for comfort.

He chuckled and hugged her back, breathing out the tension held inside of him. He brushed her carefully, only than noticing that the stars were already out in the early night sky, and that he had missed another sunset. But he took of comfort in the fact he wasn’t the only one who was saddened by it.

"Hikaru….?" A more tired version of Tatsuhiro's voice echoed in the quiet stables.

"Hello!" he greeted, reaching on his toes so more of him was visible behind the large mare, his happiness filling him up genuinely, just by the sight of the gentle handsome face. "How's the brother of the groom doing?" he asked, eyes focused on Tatsuhiro's expression while his hands kept working on the short chocolate fur.

"…everything's smooth so far, thank the lord." He said automatically, his light purple eyes scanning every corner of the stables, visibly _very_ different than the way he left them last night. "You did all of this? How long have you been in here?" he asked, walking closer to him but still looking around unbelievably. Hikaru wasn't sure if his friend was happy about it or not, but he still took the blame with a smile.

"I needed the distraction, and I know you don't really have time this week," he said as Tatsuhiro greeted his mare with an affectionate pat on the neck, glancing at the other horses who were napping peacefully. "I'm sorry if I overstepped-" Hikaru began saying, stopping when the other man finally looked at him, the corners of his mouth turned upwards.

"You just made my day," he admitted honestly, content smile being the only payment Hikaru needed. "Anything I can help with still?"

"Pixie is the last one," The city-boy said, walking back to place the pink brush on the shelf he picked it from, his best friend already escorting his horse to where the white bubbles remained, hiding the drain underneath. "Are you excited for tomorrow?" Hikaru asked when he returned, the stable-boy was already wetting his horse's fur, fingers gentle.

"I actually am," he said honestly, opening up his palm for some soap to be poured into. "Everyone is just so happy, it's contagious."

The turquoise haired man laughed shortly, happy to hear it. He took some soap as well, working on Pixie's back legs. "Daiki has cold feet?"

"No way, all he can talk about is how thrilled he is," Tatsuhiro said, tone playfully irritated, as he didn’t mind his brother's enthusiasm, it was his big day after all. "Mom’s fanatic though," he commented, scratching his mare's neck. "I don't know how she planned to cook everything herself,"

"Herself?!" Hikaru asked unbelievably, hands freezing for a moment, unfreezing when Tatsuhiro nodded in defeat.

"She thinks she's wonder woman, but the neighbors' wives showed up to help an hour ago, just in case," he said and Hikaru hummed, familiar with the woman who raised his best friend, stubborn and determined in what she decided was right. "You're coming with Miroku and Akane, right?"

"Yep, picking them up at 5PM." He said, saluting playfully and delighted when that made his friend's smile wider. "I already have my tux and everything,"

"You shouldn't have bought a tux," Tatsuhiro said a little sharp, aware of his friend's dislike for formality and lack of resources at the moment.

"I didn't," Hikaru said simply. "It's my dad's old one, back when he was 'young and skinny'," he said, mimicking his mother's tone and voice. She insisted to deliver it for him the moment he told her about the wedding, saying that he must dress like a proper gentleman. He told her he should drive back home for a day to pick it up, but she insisted on preventing him from going himself, until he experienced at least a month of relaxing silence.

Tatsuhiro caught his eyes across the mare's back, sympathetic and too sad for Hikaru to approve. His father had been gone for a long time, but talking about him still felt weird, especially with someone who knew him as well. "No sad thoughts," he warned the purple haired man with a pointy finger, finishing his work on the part of Pixie in his care, his hands working faster with the practice he had all day.

"None," Tatsuhiro confirmed innocently, eyes widening like a doe's and making the other give up. "All done." he said, brushing back the soap soaked fur on his mare's neck.

"Yay!" Hikaru cheered, turning around to grab the hose, turning the handle around so water will flood out. Without thinking much, he turned right back, the head of the hose a little too high, so the spray of water missed the horse's body, but hit his best friend's face instead.

"Hikaru!" he called out in shock, the water too cold on his skin and too sudden, sliding lower from his face and neck and wetting his shirt.

"S-sorry!" he said, choking back his laughter. "It wasn't on purpose," he said calmly, aiming the water stream to the horse's chocolate fur, rinsing it of the bubbles. Tatsuhiro rolled his eyes at the hopeless case, not managing to mutter his forgiveness before Hikaru spoke again. "But _this_ is!" he declared happily, lifting the hose up and directing it right at the other man, drenching him up from head to toe.

Tatsuhiro huffed out a shattered breath, immediately taking action. Hikaru yelped when he noticed the other man passing the horse so they were on the same side, his strong hands reaching to grab the green hose away from his. "No!" he protested, dodging him with a hop to the side, holding the hose close to his chest and spraying the other man with it.

"You picked the wrong fight city-boy!" Tatsuhiro declared when he chased him, making him run in circles back and forth, the mare who was still covered with foam watched them unimpressed.

They laughed when they skipped around, Hikaru's victorious allusion was cut short when he stumbled on his feet a little, his hands letting go of his weapon so they could hit the ground before he did, keeping his body up. His opponent didn't hesitate to take advantage of it, grabbing the hose with both hands and spraying his best friend with no remorse, playfully evil-laughing as he did. "Do you surrender?"

"Never!" Hikaru replied, sensing the other was pleased with the answer, moving the hose from side to side, to cover all angles. All that Hikaru could do was roll on the ground, the strong water stream tickling him and making him laugh harder. "O-okay okay! I give up!" he yelled, lying lifelessly on the ground, breathing heavily through his laughter.

Tatsuhiro was kind, he always have been. Which was why it all it took for him to turn the hose away from his best friend, instead directing it to Pixie, who was glad to have some of the attention back at her.

Hikaru made the mistake of glancing up at his best friend, his laughter slowly dyeing the more he gazed. He immediately noticed how tight the clothes Tatsuhiro wore stuck to his body now that he was drenched, the way his hair became a shade darker, and his tanned skin still had drops of water resting over it; he looked so tall, muscular, his eyes a mix of blue and purple and staring down at him softly…Hikaru gulped.

"Need help?" The handsome man standing over him asked, reaching out his other hand for him to take, which Hikaru took immediately, scrambling to his feet before he could think any farther. His hair fell on his face when he stood up, heavy and dripping. He shook it off fiercely, like a dog, making his best friend laugh and flinch, as the flying drops of water hit him. Like Hikaru wasn't already feeling guilty, his kind best friend reached out, his rough fingers pushing the turquoise hair from his face. Their touch was feather-light against his skin as they tucked his bangs back behind his ears, so his golden eyes could see what was before him. He swallowed thickly again, which might have been the reason Tatsuhiro retracted his hand.

"I can finish here," the stable-boy said with a smile as he turned back to his horse, tone casual. "You should head back and rest," he said, walking closer so he could run his fingers through his horse's long mane. "I'll see you tomorrow,”

Hikaru hummed in approval, reaching to squeeze some water out of his shirt. "Don’t stay too late, you need to rest too," he said, knowing how easy it was for his best friend to lose track of time when he was doing something he loved.

"Don't worry about me," Tatsuhiro said, running his hand through his wet hair. "But please don't be late, okay?"

He turned his head over his shoulder, a tiny gentle smile on his lips. Hikaru nodded in understanding. "See ya tomorrow," he said, keeping his voice as it would have sounded if he was clear-minded. Acting like he always had, he took a few steps forward so he could hug his best friend from behind, wrapping his arms around his torso for two seconds before pulling away, skipping three steps so he could exit the stables faster. "Bye Temper!" he called back to his horse, before more words could be spoken.

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

_The crowd was cheering loudly, whistling and clapping their hands together to congratulate the newly-declared champion team. Tatsuhiro got lost in the mass of people running onto the field, pulled by his teammates into hugs, shoulder pets and chest bumps, then congratulated by random fans of their high-school team. The cheerleaders smiled at him, jumping up and down with their pompons thrown up into the sky. The brunette twins who were co-captain of the cheerleaders approached him, each kissing one of his cheeks as they told him he was amazing today, and went farther into the crowd, not minding his blushing cheeks. He was never a fan of big crowds, which was why he tried to make his way out of it, aiming to get to the locker room first and hit the showers. But there was still someone who didn't get the chance to fuss over him._

_His smile tripled in size when a familiar pair of arms wrapped around his neck, a weight he was used to carrying attached itself to his back and slender athletic legs hooked around his waist. "Tatsu! You were amazing!" his best friend yelled in his ear, so he could be heard over the noise of the entire town._

_"You think?" he asked, turning his head back so he could look at the face 14-year-old him thought to be the most beautiful there was. The golden eyed male-cheerleader smiled brightly, humming in confidence._

_"You were so fast! And I'm pretty sure their 6# is scared of you now,"_

_Tatsuhiro laughed shortly, shaking his head in dismissal, not sure if his best friend was serious or just complimenting him too much because he liked to see him blush. "It's all thanks to your cheering, you know," he said, his heart fluttering when he felt the other's hold of his body tighten, as he pressed closer._

_"I was awesome too wasn't I?" he said in fake modesty, making the other nudge him off playfully, so he was forced to stand back on his own feet. "But it's only because I was cheering for you," he said as if it was obvious, tilting his head to the side. He looked so happy, his smile wide, face flushed from jumping around and yelling, stray light-green hairs fallen out of his high pony-tail…it filled Tatsuhiro's chest with pride, as he knew he was the reason behind the beautiful expression._

_"Good…" he didn't know if he was going to get pushed away if he tried kissing his crush that moment, but he didn't think about it for longer than a second, overflowing with adrenaline and the joy of victory. He leaned forward a little, taking the other's hand in his, his purple eyes meeting the golden ones. The other teen knew exactly what was going through his head, he knew it, felt it when he took a step closer, so their faces were inches apart. "Hikaru-"_

He could hear his own sharp breathing when his eyes snapped open, suddenly fully awake, boring into his wallpaper. He knew how that memory ended, nothing happened since Akane called out for them, telling them it was time for the coach's Gatorade shower. Hikaru kept holding his hand as he pulled him back into the crowd, both of them continuing with the victory festivities, their short moment of confusion gone with the warm summer breeze.

Tatsuhiro sighed deeply and closed his eyes, not wanting to go back to sleep out of fear that his mind may wander back to dark times again, show him memories he wished to forget. He didn’t know why that dream attacked him today of all days, when he was already nervous. As if told to do so by divine power, his mother walked into his room then, wiping her hands over her apron with rolls in her dark purple hair.

"Good, you're awake." She told him with a smile. "Go ahead and get ready, we leave in thirty minutes."

With that he pushed himself up, eyes searching for his clock and widening when he saw the time. He knew he was in a really bad spot when he saw it was almost noon, which meant he had slept in. He never did that.

He brushed his teeth in the shower, trying to be as quick as possible, his ears sharp and listening to the other people in his house. His mom was just finishing up the dessert, loud and proud of her achievements. His father was already done dressing up, looking for his blue tie everywhere. His brother was on the phone with the bride's best friend, making sure that everything was okay.

Tatsuhiro rushed out of the shower, toweling his hair a little too hard, hoping it will somehow clear out his busy head. His clothes were already ironed for him, hanging out of his closet with his polished shoes on the floor. His new shirt was soft against his skin, but his tie was too tight around his neck, reminding him of why he hated wearing formal clothes. He fumbled a little too much with his belt, but he managed to step out into the living room with time to spare, presentable and with a calm smile that could fool anyone.

His mother didn't approve of him making a quick trip to the stables, ordering him to start putting things in the car. He just wanted to make sure the horses were fine and tended, maybe relax a little as he always did when petting Pixie, but he soon convinced himself that it was for the better. The stables held too many memories resembling his weird dream.

_'God, please help this day be uneventful._ ' He prayed, placing the treys of creampuffs inside a box, carefully placing cartons in between so none will be crushed. _'Give me the strength to clean my heart.'_ He kept going when he carried the boxes out to the driveway _. 'And please make all the food fit in the car.'_

God seemingly answered his prayers, as they all managed to get into the car safely yet a little too stuffed, driving down to the church. By the time they prepared everything, he found his mind to be clear, as he was keeping his hands busy and his body constantly moving.

The tables were all set out, white tablecloths with light purple patterns to fit the flower arrangements. The church's garden lights were lit as well, deem yellow and warm. The music was set and ready to be played once the wedding party begins, and people were already starting to arrive for the ceremony.

Tatsuhiro greeted his neighbors, the clerks of the market booths he knew, his extended family and the family of his future sister-in-law, excusing himself a few times to go check if his brother was not freaking out behind the scenes. His eyes are immediately drawn to the light blue and slightly beaten car he recognized very well by now, following it as it was parked, and out stepped his best friends. Akane was smiling brightly already, big orange eyes reflective. Miroku was as cool as he always was, giving up on wearing his tie but also his helix, to even things out. Hikaru was fancily dressed as he said he would be, wearing a light gray suit with a darker vest and a bow tie that was a little sloppily tied. His hair was not tided up or braided, but brushed back and down to fall over his shoulders, off his face, making him look older. He was grinning calmly, like he usually was, but still, something about his expression made Tatsuhiro feel uneasy, clouding any other remark he could otherwise make about the other's handsome cleaned-up appearance.

"Hey guys!" he called out for them when they came closer, revealing his location in the gathering crowd.

"Are you excited?" Akane asked him, giving him a short hug.

"He's not the one getting married, you know," Miroku told his best friend, making him huff out a short breath. "Do you need help with anything?" he asked politely, looking around the garden.

"We already set everything up," he told his friend. "Thank you for coming." he said politely as he did to all of the guests, but this time really meaning it. The three calm and smiling faces automatically made him feel less left-out between all the people that knew him for nothing but his name.

"Of course we did," Hikaru said to him with a small smile, standing by his side as he promised he would be.

"I love weddings!" Akane declared. "Everything’s so pure and romantic…" he said dreamily, pulling his nose a little, making the group of boys to chuckle shortly.

"Are you crying already?" Tatsuhiro said teasingly.

"I brought tissues, don’t worry." Miroku said confidently, patting his front pocket.

"Akanechi is such a sensitive man!" Hikaru jokingly complimented, making the ginger pout and punch him on the shoulder playfully. The bell rang a moment later, followed by his father and mother directing everyone inside for the wedding ceremony.

"Let's get inside," Miroku said, the group beginning to move along with the rest. Hikaru still walked beside his best friend, a calm smile splayed on his lips.

"Are you okay?" Tatsuhiro asked the slightly shorter man in a low whisper. He tried to find any sort of comfort in the other's short nod and casually moved his hand to hold Hikaru's, but failed to have the contact returned, as if his best friend knew he would do it, and moved his hand away.

The feeling of entering the church was not one he could explain with many words. Walking into the large hall, taking in the beautiful glass-art of the windows, the colorful paintings on the ceilings, the sculpted walls, golden candle-stands and of course the symbol of their faith. Tatsuhiro was immediately lighter, his hands flying effortlessly over his chest to draw a cross as he bowed before his savior, sinking into the comforting arms of god's love and holiness. The altar was now decorated with purple balloon flowers and bellflowers, dropped over the white fabric draped on-top the usually red carpet. He closed his eyes to soak it in, breathing deeply through his nose and then out through his mouth, his smile truly expressing his soul for the first time that day.

He looked to his side in hope to find his best friend in the same state, or something resembling of it somehow, but Hikaru was no longer by his side. Tatsuhiro walked ahead to where his father stood, next to his brother's two best-men, hoping the confusion wasn’t shown on his face.

He didn't hear what his father told him, too busy in trying to locate his best friend. He found him eventually, in the row before the last, staring straight into nothing. In that moment Tatsuhiro decided to stop lying to himself and accept that there was something wrong with his best friend. His immediate thought terrified him; flashes of the previous night playing before his eyes, of their laughter and drenched clothes, how he looked too close and reached out to touch because he couldn’t stop, how Hikaru's eyes widen just a tiny bit when he swallowed thickly in discomfort.

He already took a step forward when his father grabbed his arm, holding him in place just in time for the priest to ask everyone to stand for the bride's entrance. All eyes in the church turn to the doors, except for two pairs, the purple searching and apologetic, the golden calm and reassuring. A heavy stone dropped off Tatsuhiro's heart when his best friend lifted his hands up to touch his cheeks, his lips mouthing ‘smile!’ followed by a live example of a warm grin.

He breathed out shortly in relief, stretching his lips calmly and shifting his eyes to the opening church door, the bride escorted in by her parents.

Tatsuhiro never considered himself to be an emotional guy, especially not when it came to sappy romantic stuff like weddings; but his heart was moved still. His mother began shedding tears the moment the music began playing, offered a handkerchief by his father, who kept his tough act. His brother's eyes only belonged to his beautiful bride, looking at her like she was the only thing that mattered. His sister in law shivered when her father allowed Daiki to hold her hand, their eyes meeting.

"You may be seated," the priest said, the guests silencing their cheers. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of this man and woman in holy matrimony."

Tatsuhiro's eyes remain focus on the happy couple, feeling something resembling sympathy in his heart when he noticed their loving expressions, intensifying as the priest continued with the ceremony, by the book and heard many times over, yet emotional every single time. The couple asked to share their vows, their hands held together as they stood before the town's people, priest and God, ready to declare their internal love.

"I Nome Daiki," his brother began speaking, his voice soft as if he was talking only to his future wife, promising he will take her as his own.

"…to be my lawfully wedded husband," she spoke back in the same manner, reciting the same text that symbolizes the fundamentals of true love.

Tatsuhiro could feel the golden stare on him, sharp and searching. "My constant friend, my faithful partner and my one true love from this day forward." Tatsuhiro bit his cheek, the one not visible to the crowd, trying to focus his wandering mind. "In the presence of our family and friends, I offer my solemn vow, to be yours,"

"In sickness and in health,"

_He could feel his love's spine underneath his shirt when he rubbed his back, willing his tears away only for it to make the blood drops on the floor more clearly for him to see. He bit his lip, but kept soothing, promising everything will be okay._

"In good times and in bad,"

_He was on his horse's back, soaring through the fields, his love in the same position, by his side and reaching out for his hand to take; he could hear his own protest as he was held back from taking the same hand days later, his own pain reflected in his love's eyes._

"And in joy as well as in sorrow,"

_They both stood over the open coffin, the golden eyes unable to be opened, for if they will, the tears won't be stopped. The paler hand finds his, his shoulder burdened with another's head, buried there in wishing to disappear, so the pain may go away._

"I promise to love you unconditionally,"

_Gentle finger cupped his face on both sides, making him look ahead, loving whisper telling him how perfect he was in his imperfection, no matter what a fool he made of himself trying to talk in front of their class for an assignment. He will forever be awkward, he will never be certain in his self-expression, but he will never be judged for it, or less loved._

"To support you in your goals,"

_He held his love's by the shoulders, turning him around to face the gymnasium doors, tucking the pompons in his hesitant hands. He tapped his lover's head gently, telling him he could go to sleep for the night, that they could continue studying the next day. He told his love he could leave, if it was what will be best for him._

"To honor and respect you and your wishes,"

_The golden eyes were playful despite his serious salute, promising that today it was his turn to decide which show they were going to watch, and that he was going to try and stay quiet throughout. He failed miserably._

"To cry with you, to laugh with you,"

_He thought he will never stop laughing as they rolled down the hill, landing in a deep muddy pond, his love hitting it headfirst but taking it like a champion, sticking his tongue out and claiming it was part of his plan, making the other laugh harder._

"And to cherish you,"

_His body could still feel his love's arms locked around him, refusing to let go even though the morning sun was rising, claiming that he was too comfortable to move, so he never would, that he was the greatest pillow ever._

"For as long as we both shall live."

Tatsuhiro held his ragged breath, keeping his smile whole as the newlyweds agreed to take each other to be their forever, sealing their promise with a kiss. His mother met his eyes and he smiled at her in sympathy. He patted his father's shoulders to congratulate him. He knew Akane was wiping his tears away and he could hear Miroku's loud claps as the cool teenager tried to remain composed.

He was being watched closely but he couldn't turn his head to look at the back row of the church, beyond the cheering guests and happy smiles, the people standing up to see the happy couple; because he knew that if he did, the weakness in his knees will make him fall onto them, his need to vomit will overtake him and the stain on his soul, which he spent years cleaning and covering, will be validated once more.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone :) Only three more chapters left! This one and the next are my favorites so I really hope you enjoy them ^_^

In his haze, Hikaru decided against approaching his best friend once the ceremony was over. He watched from afar as he was greeted by the guests, as he talked to his brother, getting his head rubbed in affection and hugged by his mother, who was still teary eyed. Hikaru slipped out of the church the first moment he could, leaning against the outer shell. His shoulders lowered as he immediately became less tense, his breath leaving his body in strong and short puffs of air.

He pulled himself together just in time to be joined by Akane and Miroku, who grabbed him around the shoulders and walked with him to their designated table. Tatsuhiro's mother really went all out with the preparations, Hikaru noticed immediately, unable to take in the amount and diversity of the food presented on the buffet table, the beauty of the flower arrangements and the purple and yellow candles at the center of each table.

The rest of the town soon found their places too, eager to be allowed to begin eating. The music chosen was light and joyful, complimenting the scenario. He had lost his appetite as soon as he left his car, but he followed his friends to pack a plate of food anyway.

He was greeted by people he hadn't even remembered, all of them surprised to see he had come back to town. They didn't seem too happy about it, even someone as airheaded as him noticed it immediately, which was why he chose to tell them he will probably be leaving in a week or so, that this was just a quick visit.

Once the crowd was seated, the father of the groom began speaking, thanking all of them for coming to share the love of the young couple, whishing them to enjoy the evening and thanking God for bringing them all together and blessing them with the good food and the company of good people. Everyone agreed with his thanks, raising their glasses to the happy couple.

Hikaru followed the herd without thinking about it, cheering, agreeing and clapping when everyone else did, listening with ears half-open as each of the newlyweds' dear ones made a toast. The maid-of-honor was sassy, threatening Daiki that if he ever hurt her best friend, she will be coming for him. The groom's best friend was goofy, almost getting too carried off with their bachelor tales. Tatsuhiro's mother nearly broke down in tears when she spoke, wishing them all the best, and the strength to go through marriage's ups and downs.

The crowd raised a glass for the happy couple once more when another speaker rose up from his chair, clearing his throat. His voice forced Hikaru to zone out of his bubble and listen, his eyes finding the groom's younger brother finally. "All of you who've met me know I'm not a big talker, so lower your expectations," he began, making Hikaru chuckle on his own and not because the rest of the crowd did so. Miroku whistled in encouragement and Akane clapped louder than anyone else, showing their support for the friend they knew hated speaking in front of crowds. "Daiki, everyone had already told you how lucky you are to have ended up with such a wonderful woman." He said, voice not as confident as he tried to keep his posture, holding a glass of champagne with one hand, the other tucked in his pocket. "So to my new big-sister," he turned to the bride, who was holding her husband's hand and beaming with joy. "I'll say they’re totally right." He said with an awkward chuckle. "Daiki’s annoying, loud and sometimes very lazy," he said, making Hikaru bite down his smile as his best friend got passionate. "He doesn't clean after himself and falls asleep in front of the TV more times than he does in his own bed."

The crowd's awkward silence was noticed then by the speaker, who cleared his thoughts and hurried to get back to his point. " _But_ , he’s fierce when it comes to the people he loves." He said with a little smile, glad when his brother released a breath of relief. "I know he won't stop for anything to make sure you’re happy and have everything you wish for," he said, sharing a knowing look with the touched bride, who agreed with every word said. "So, I ask you to take care of him for us, " he said, making the crowd chuckle shortly, Daiki's best-men patting his shoulder. "And welcome to our family," he added, the bride mouthing her thank you and nodding in acceptance of the reasonability. Tatsuhiro nodded and turned to the crowd, raising his glass over his head more thrilled to have his duty over with. "To the happy couple!" he called, the crowed agreeing with their glasses high in the air.

Hikaru lifted his glass as well, smiling at his best friend when he looked his way, agreeing with his statement loudly as everyone else. He watched with eyes that turned concerned as Tatsuhiro sat back down in his seat behind the main table, placing his glass back down, his calm smile disappearing once he wasn't the center of attention. The purple eyes were incredibly interested in the tablecloth for the rest of the dinner, lifting off of it only when spoken to or asked something.

But the turquoise haired man knew he couldn't approach him, not with his family being right there. He knew he wasn't imagining it, something had been off about his best friend since the ceremony ended, and it wasn't his wedding-talk trauma.

Waiting patiently was never something Hikaru learned how to do, but he tried his hardest, talking with Akane and Miroku while nibbling on some chicken.

"They really did a good job decorating," Miroku said, as always, his eyes drawn and seeking perfection in the shapes of decor around him.

"It's beautiful," Hikaru agreed, leaning his head on his elbow, eyes glaring back to the main table once in a few minutes.

"I'm a little over church weddings though," Akane pointed out, his mouth half full.

"You cried like a little child still," Miroku pointed out, satisfied when the ginger pouted.

"I'm not _little,_ " he corrected. "And of course I cried, young love and stuff," he explained as if there was nothing to explain. "But as for my wedding, it'll probably be on the beach or something,"

Hikaru cooed excitedly. "Can I administrate?" he asked, always wanting to do something like that. Akane's sparkly eyes doubled in size as he nodded enthusiastically, the puzzle of his dream really taking shape.

"You really gave it a thought, ha?" Miroku wondered, taking a sip from his water glass.

"Yep. I had a deep conversation about it the other day with Yucchi-" the ginger began saying casually, making his younger friend choke down on his drink. Hikaru swallowed his laughter, a little shocked to see that kind of terrified expression on the serious teen's face.

"S-since when does he think about getting m-married?!" Miroku asked through ragged breath, looking around to check if anyone had noticed his miniature heart-attack. He was too young for this kind of conversation.

Hikaru glanced back to the main table once again to hide his smile, but it disappeared immediately when he saw the groom's younger brother was no longer seated there. He looked around the yard quickly, eyes hopping from one standing person to the other, none being the one he searched for. Daiki got up from his seat and happily announced it was time for the party to begin.

The golden eyed man shot up from his chair then, knowing the guests will now move to the section dedicated to being a dance floor, the music around him becoming louder. "I'll be right back!" he told his friends before they asked, knowing to search for his best friend where he won't be found.

His first instinct was to search inside the church; he couldn't walk in there again, but he mastered the courage to look inside, finding nothing but empty benches and a variety of triggers for his own anxiety. He walked out of god's home too quickly, looking to his left and right but spotting no one wandering around.

When he spotted his car, parked right in front of the church, eyeing it just half-handedly, he noticed an abnormality. Between the front and back wheels there seemed to be another; as he walked closer, crossing the road, he noticed the extra wheel was just his best friend, sitting down on the sidewalk and ruining his black tux.

His head was leaning against the light-blue car's door, his close eyes looking up to the skies that turned into night. His legs were pulled to his chest and so were his palms, clutching the metal cross that he never took off. His lips were scarcely moving, whispering something that no one was meant to hear. The handsome face was painted with an awful feeling, brows frowning and jaw tight.

"….forgive me father for my sins, for having those impure thoughts in your holly house, for feeling such unnatural desires, for going against the divine law you have established for our good, forgive me for having such little strength to concur my evil wishes and-"

"Tatsu, stop," Hikaru spoke as softly as he could, reminding himself that if he always told his little siblings to concur their anger, so he should be able to do it as well. His heart broke in his chest when his best friend's breath stopped, his lips freezing mid-word, his frown deepening as if the fragile house of cards he was just building crushed down.

"You should be at the reception,"

"So should you," Hikaru noted in the same simplicity, hesitantly sliding down next to his best friend, leaning his back against his car. The other man didn't shift away, which he accepted as consent for his presence. "Your family will notice; the guests too."

"I'm not good company right now." Tatsuhiro spoke coldly, half opening his eyes as if to come back to reality. "You should head back,"

It was a request more than a simple comment, but Hikaru still shook his head, placing it on top of the other's shoulder without words, noticing he wasn't relaxing against the contact like he always did. "Don't wanna." Hikaru playfully said, trying to lighten up the mood. At the moment he couldn’t care less about the random faces dancing at the wedding reception, no matter how much he loved them in the rest of the moments. He just wanted to be where his best friend was.

Tatsuhiro sighed but nodded, hoping that his best friend didn't notice until then and will continue to miss the fact he was in distress. "Something's wrong, right? I'm not imagining it," he tried to shift the attention away from himself.

The golden eyed man hummed in question, not lifting his head from where it was. He stared down at his own palm, where it laid on the dusty pavement inches away from the other's, waiting to be reached for. "You looked miserable in there…why?"

Hikaru couldn't deny the accusations but he didn't want to talk about it either, not now or ever. He almost managed to pass the entire month without the topic ever brought up; all he wanted was a few more days of ignorance and denial.

"Come on Hikaru, distract me." His best friend requested, voice tired out and hopeless. The younger man knew the statement wasn't meant to cheapen his feelings in any way, not hinting that they were a form of entertainment. But simply, it was always the way Tatsuhiro was, worrying about others from the kindness and love in his heart for 99% of the time, and using it as an excuse to _not_ worry about himself for what remained.

"I don't believe in God anymore."

Hikaru's face crumbled as he realized he just blurted it out without tact or warning. Neither of them spoke or moved away, but Hikaru could feel the other's strong muscles tensing under his head. So he pulled back and away, his heart withering when he saw his best friend's face. It was an expression he never saw before or could identify; was it pain? Stress? Tiredness? Bitterness? or sadness? disappointment or all of them and then some?

Tatsuhiro sighed, closing his eyes again and looking up at the sky, head leaning into the dent in the car's door. Hikaru bit his lips. "You regret asking?" he asked after long moments of silence in which he assumed his friend complained to god about his misfortune. Hikaru wanted him to yell, or hit him, cast him away and call him a diabolical atheist…well, he didn't actually _want_ him to, but the silence was too much for him to bear, his nerves catching fire.

But the other just shook his head slowly, his eyes half-open now but unfocused, not minding the golden stare boring into his face and trying to get his reaction, anything at all. "I…I guess I knew, in a way." Tatsuhiro said quietly, his brows knotting then untying as he tried to sort his thoughts despite the sharp gaze studying him. "You didn’t want to come to church on Sundays, you look sick whenever someone says grace, your bracelet’s gone…" he mumbled, holding in his sigh.

He couldn't help but feel slightly angered by the matter. The whole reason they agreed to go their separate ways was for both of them to get better, to find out what men they were without the obstacles they were for one another. And even though Hikaru was more level-headed now, more responsible, thoughtful and his happiness purer; Tatsuhiro still somewhat felt like the man sitting next to him on the pavement was more broken than the boy who drove away years ago. "Maybe you shouldn’t have left after all…" he said with a bitter chuckle, making Hikaru join in and scoot to the side, so there was some distance between them; the older crossed his arms over his knees, laying his head on top of them, the younger played with his hands in his lap, his legs splayed out on the ground.

"You couldn't have done anything…." He said honestly. "After everything that happened with dad… and mom losing the house…and _us_ ," he stopped for a moment, noticing the tension awakening again. "I can't think of a good merciful god that will support all of that."

"No one understands the ways of god; but maybe if you didn't have to deal with it on your own, if I was there to-" he began saying, speaking slogans and dictums the non-believer heard and said many times, to others and to himself.

"Did you forget? What they wanted to do to us? Two sick abominations that polluted the community?" Hikaru challenged, not knowing how someone could ever forget it, or even imply that he left his home and his best friend in order to become a heretic.

A small bitter smile was bitten on Tatsuhiro's lips, surprised that the clueless man remembered the exact words used against them. "Maybe conversion camp wouldn't have been so bad,"

"Tatsu," he half-warned half-sighed, slumping back lifelessly against the chilly metal. The other man did the same, biting his tongue before he managed to worsen the situation.

Hikaru knew he didn't mean it, somehow he knew. How could he? How can the gentle man sitting next to him believe he was so dammed and disgusting he needed to be changed in any way? let alone by breaking his spirit, mind and pure soul, and then sawing it together into a misshapen shell and presenting him as fixed?

Both of them remained quiet, the silence filled only by the music coming from the wedding reception, keeping them grounded by reminding them where they were. Hikaru hated the feeling that washed over him. It’s been years since he had felt like this, as if he was wrong, bad, unwanted, a stupid child who didn’t know what was right to say or do. He hated the guilt that bloomed in his chest, both causing the problem and for never fixing it when he could. It was too late now, it was obvious what came next, he remembered that lesson from Sunday school very well.

_Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?_

"I'll leave if you want me t-to." Hikaru forced the words out, trying to keep his voice steady, looking ahead and trying not to glance sideways to the other man. For if he did, he will lose whatever courage was left in him to not be selfish and walk away, for his best friend's sake and wishes.

"No, don't go." Tatsuhiro's reaction was sharp and instinctive as just the thought of the matter made him panic even more. But he knew things couldn't return to the way they were going for the last weeks. "Your mom gave you a month, right?" he asked after long moments of trying to figure out what he really needed to do. He saw Hikaru nodding at the corner of his eyes. "So can I have some time to think?" he requested as softly as he could.

"Whatever you want." Hikaru said, leaving the choice to the wiser of them two, just like he had before. He kept his eyes open and focused on the ground knowing from experience it will make the tears rising in his eyes to do so slower, maybe slow enough for his best friend to not notice them. But even if he noticed, and even if he didn't, the other man got up from the pavement and with a light squeeze to Hikaru's shoulder, walked away.

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

"I win!" Tatsuhiro called happily, lifting his hands up over and his hand, letting go of the reins and allowing them to fall against his mare's neck. Temper spurt into the stables after his sister, slowing down into a trot so he could stop before crushing into the closed east door.

"That's not fair!" Hikaru called, hopping off of his horse so he can walk closer to his friend, who somehow always found a way to beat him on their races. "Promise you didn’t cheat?" he had to ask, even though he knew his best friend was a man of his word, and will never lie or deceive anyone. Not that he could if he wanted to, everything he felt was always so clear on his innocent face.

"Promise." Tatsuhiro said, holding his left hand to heart. He got to the ground as well a moment later and turned back to face his horse, removing her saddle skillfully.

"it's still not fair," the turquoise haired teen noted with a pout, taking the leather saddle from the other's hands to place it back with the rest of riding equipment.

"How come?" the older of the two asked playfully, the reins hanging over his shoulder as he ushered Pixie back into her cell, which was already prepared with cold water and fresh hay.

"You promised you’d do what I want if I win today," Hikaru said, dusting his hands on his worn-out Khakis. Tatsuhiro rolled his eyes playfully, busying his hands with unsaddling the caramel-colored steed who was patiently waiting his turn. "So, I should’ve won," he heard the other's voice closer now, a small warning before a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind and held on tightly. He grinned in amusement but continued with his work. He chuckled when the other teen refused to let go of him, glued to his back and stepping as he did. "Tatsu…" his stubborn best friend whined, somehow still having enough energy after a day of school, cheer practice, farm work at his own home and then an evening ride.

"Fine," he gave in as he always did when it came to Hikaru, carefully placing the second, slightly heavier saddle on its stand. "Ask nicely and I'll consider it," he tried to keep his tone hard-to-get as he unlaced Hikaru's hands from around him, so he could look at his happy face.

Without hesitation, the slightly shorter teen leaned forward, holding onto his best friend's shoulders and whispered something in his ear. When he pulled back, holding his arms around his back and with a closed-mouth sneaky grin, he noticed Tatsuhiro was blushing, his eyes slightly wider than normal.

"O-okay," the purple eyes teen mumbled after a short moment, clearing his throat and stepping forward. He didn't know if the light dancing in Hikaru's eyes gave him confidence or discouraged him, but he reached out still, swallowing the nerves he shouldn’t have had after a month, week and 5 days.

His slightly rougher hand trailed down Hikaru's arm, reaching for his palm so their fingers could be intertwined. The golden eyes shut close as the pale fingers squeezed his and he took the chance before he got even more nervous, gently lifting the other's chin so their lips could meet.

He could feel Hikaru's lips twitch up into a smile before pressing firmly against his. He pulled back a few seconds later, looking down at his best friend with an uncertain expression. They have kissed before many times, but it was never him that initiated it; he was always shy and this was no exception, but he still wanted Hikaru to be assured that his emotions were not one-sided, even though his nonchalance and spontaneity might have been.

"Was that so scary?" Hikaru asked him with a knowing smirk, stepping closer and placing his hands over his chest, clearly very pleased with himself and with the token of his affection. Tatsuhiro's eyes avoided the other's, as he tried to not blush so hard.

"Shut up…" he muttered his best comeback, completely at his best friend's mercy. But it wasn't a state he was foreign to.

"Okay!" Hikaru agreed to follow the order given to him, his smile contagious.

Tatsuhiro stumbled back a little when the other teen kissed him again, but he wrapped his arms around his waist for balance, bringing him closer.

Other than the sound of their own synchronized breathing, the stables were silent. This was why Tatsuhiro noticed that silence breaking, recognizing it was Pixie's nervous whine that broke it. He tried to pull away but the other teen's lips chased his, recapturing them.

"She's just jealous…" his best friend murmured, making Tatsuhiro chuckle and kiss him harder. His loyal mare indeed was very possessive of him. Temper joined her then, his hooves hitting the ground hard as he whined for attention. Their horses had always been quiet, ever since they were foals; which was why both of them pulled away that time, realizing something must have been wrong.

"What is it?" Hikaru turned to his caramel-colored steed, but Tatsuhiro still looked ahead and over the other teen's shoulder, to the open west door of the barn, where he immediately recognized his brother. Purple eyes wide and mouth hanged slightly open, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t.

The teenagers' hands flew off each other, as if burnt or sharply-frozen, jumping back as if it will help the shocked adult to un-see what he did. "We can explain!" Hikaru said even though they really couldn't, his shock and terror only slightly better than his best friend's.

"Daiki please don't tell, we-" Tatsuhiro tried to bargain, stepping in front of his best friend as if that will protect him somehow.

His brother didn't bother to listen to the excuses, his face cold and twisted with what could only be described as disgust. The older teen turned his back to them and broke into a sprint, his riding boots hitting the damp ground.

"Wait!" he called after his brother, launching forward in one last desperate attempt to stop him. Hikaru reacted as soon as he did, but was stopped by the stronger teen's hand on his chest, making him halt. "Go home," he said, knowing in the back of his head that whatever happens next he didn’t want his best friend to take part in it.

"No way," Hikaru protested immediately, trying to brush his hand away and walk ahead, but for the hand he removed, another touched his shoulder.

"Please," Tatsuhiro's voice sounded almost begging. "Go home, for me." He pleaded, knowing that this was the only way to get the other teen to heed his words and protest no more. Without getting a proper reply, he dashed out of the stables, not feeling Hikaru's presence following him.

He entered his house through the backdoor, hoping that Daiki thought it would be locked in this hour, and that he somehow beat him to it. But his eyes widen in terror when he saw his family members standing in front of him, their faces saying it all.

"I'm sorry," Daiki mumbled before walking away, his steps big and quick, carrying him to his room where he could hide.

The fifteen-year-old sat there in front of his parents, both wearing stern and concerned expressions, looking down at him with what he feared to recognize as shame. Their message was clear from the beginning, but they kept repeating it in different words, different tones and different ways to justify their actions. He remained mute, his mind not focusing on the two people sitting in front of him, but at the one who wasn't.

His tears only began rising later that night, when he was dismissed to his room. He tried to cover his ears with his pillow, but the words 'separate' and ‘away' broken through when his parents spoke them, his mother crying on his father's shoulders, repeating that they had to cure their son, they had to cure them both.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Another chapter that I hope you like :) I started writing it in the evening and got so into it that I didn't notice the sun came back out ^_^ So it's my absolute favorite! let me know what you think :3

"Come on! go faster! Miroku!"

"I'm trying!"

"Don't bother!" Hikaru told his rival, his tongue sticking out as he concentrated on the two cars racing towards the sparkly finish line. "I win!" he cheered, reaching his arms up with the remote controller still in his hands. Miroku cursed the game under his breath, making up a logical and calculated excuse for his loss, only faced with Hikaru's evil laughter.

"…Are you guys okay?" Tatsuhiro asked hesitantly, sliding the front door open slowly and peeking into the Fudo home's living room. He rang the doorbell and knocked three times, but none of the men in the room heard him.

"Fine," Miroku muttered, letting go of the remote in defeat he never learned to accept.

"Come in, Tatsu!" the house resident said to him, waving his hand. "Look look!" he called happily pointing at the new black box that was plugged to his tv screen, beaming with dark blue light. He frowned at it as he walked in, closing the door behind him and settling on the couch while listening to Akane's rumbling. "Harupyon gave it to me for my birthday!"

"Isn’t your birthday in 3 months?"

"Yep!" the ginger said, hopping over the couch to take his seat next to Hikaru and Miroku on the floor. "He said he couldn't wait that long," he said with a wide grin, accepting the joystick from Hikaru who handed it to him, stretching his fingers.

"Impulse control," Miroku muttered, picking his joystick back up, knowing he actually could win against Akane.

"It's _sweet,_ " Akane pointed out to his skeptical friend, not minding his gloomy un-approving expression. "You're next!" he said to confused Tatsuhiro, who didn't realize he was being challenged until a second too late.

"You're on." he returned a little doubtfully, but Akane accepted, turning around and tapping Miroku's shoulder, telling him to hit the play button. Truthfully, Tatsuhiro didn't have much experience playing video games, except for a few arcade trips when he was young. But he trusted his ability to catch up.

The game made loud noises as it began, making Hikaru's whisper be heard just by his best friend. "You look better," he said, lifting himself off the floor and onto the couch, looking at the screen but leaning close.

Tatsuhiro didn't move away, sinking back against the soft couch cushions. "I had a chance to reflect," he said simply. In reality, it wasn't simple at all. The reflection he was referring to happened right after the wedding, once the guests left, the groom and bride rode away into the night on the back of Daiki's horse, and the rest of the family finished cleaning up the mess left in the church's garden.

He had snuck back inside, telling his parents he'll go back with his friends and his friends the opposite. The church hall was empty of people, unlocked thanks to the pastor's forgetfulness. He sat down on one of the benches and stared up at the symbol of god's holiness and mercy, opening up his heart.

The words flew out of his mouth, pouring out in speed he didn’t know he was capable of. He asked God for many things; to cure him at first, to delete the doubt and sin in his heart and to correct his perversion. He prayed for forgiveness next, to be given to him as it was given before. He acknowledged god's test, saying he understood that he won't be burdened with something he couldn't carry, but admitting it felt like his shoulders couldn't bear it anymore. Then he asked to be healed again, of being a disgusting abominable person who didn’t deserve sympathy. Eventually he entrusted himself in god's capable hands and pleaded for guidance, for God to ease his mind and show him the path out of the pit he found himself in. He convinced himself god didn't hate him. Hikaru was a worse sinner than he was, and he was sure God didn't hate him either, since he was a good person. And Tatsuhiro tried to be.

He was kneeling and dripping tears by the end of his prayer, but luckily the night breeze on his way home dried it all. It erased all evidence from his body as he tried to do from his heart, choosing to believe in god's way of directing his life.

But something gave him the feeling that Hikaru won't take it too well if he told him, not to mention how embarrassing it was for a man of his age and nature to have a meltdown.

Luckily enough, Hikaru hummed in understanding, smiling at him with closed lips.

"Also, I have a banana cluster waiting for you to pick it up," the stable-boy changed the subject, optimism blooming in his chest when his best friend's posture perked up. Hikaru didn't know why he was so surprised, Tatsuhiro was a man of his word, and Hikaru did keep his promise and came to the wedding. Still, he clapped his hands together in joy.

"Guys! Listen up," Akane called for the attention almost two hours later, eyes focused on his phone and his expression pleased. Tatsuhiro pressed the pause button, patting Hikaru's knee when he protested, getting him to turn around towards the ginger. "Harupyon says there’s an awesome party tonight at Bonkers," he said, his words not meaning much to Tatsuhiro, who preferred keep beating his best friend in ‘Froza’. Video games were a wonderful invention, he decided as soon as he got the hang of it. "Wanna go?" he asked with wiggling eyebrows.

"Yes!" Hikaru said immediately, standing up on his knees to he could high-five Akane, who appreciated his fun-loving personality.

"Miroku?" the ginger turned to his best friend, who was splayed on the couch, too long for it.

"Fine," Miroku agreed in a blank tone. There was no way that he was going to send Akane and Hikaru alone to party where Teramitsu Haruhi was. With his luck, Akane will never return in the morning.

As Tatsuhiro feared will happen, all eyes in the room turned to him, questioning, begging and tempting. Being spontaneous was _not_ his thing and yet, he promised himself to go whichever direction life told him, as he trusted God to pave the way. He was uncertain that going to a rave with his three-best friends was a part of god's plan; but it something he never tried before, maybe it will lead to an enlightenment …truly, how bad could it be?

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

One hundred and forty-seven minutes later and the answer was his – _very bad._

The music was loud enough to burst his eardrums bloody and there were _so_ many people. The club was underground, which only contributed to his overall feeling of distress. He felt like he was sticking out like a sore thumb even after trying hard to pick a proper outfit from his mainly work-clothes filled wardrobe. He picked out a square tank top that didn't cling to his upper body, and a pair of jeans that should have been thrown out already. Hikaru assured him he looked the part that way, and he chose to believe him. His shoes were relatively new as well, squeaking as he tried to stay off anyone's radar.

There was a particular pair of eyes constantly on him, belonging to a blue-eyed blonde girl that appeared to be his age. But so did everyone else in this party, so he assumed he was wrong about a few. He tried to ignore her at first, then he resorted to moving as far away as possible, finding a comfortable spot on one of the cushions that were meant as smoking area. No one was smoking there of course, since doing it by the bar and on the dancefloor was the rebellious and therefore cooler thing to do.

His poor excuse for friends left him almost as soon as they finished their drive there; Akane being swept away by a playful blonde that identified as the famous 'Haruhi', Miroku told them that he was going to find 'Yuzuki' and never returned, and Hikaru…he was too busy jumping around all over the place.

Tatsuhiro tried to look away when he caught himself staring at the turquoise haired man for the fourth time, this time as he was busy talking with a random yet handsome stranger. The stable-boy didn't know which part of that thought process bothered him more, so he ducked his head, cursing his past-self for agreeing to come.

"Tatsu!" he heard an overly happy voice calling out and demanding his attention. He didn't know if to be irritated or relieved when his childhood friend approached him with a bright smile. So he looked away as if it didn’t matter, regretting it as well since his eyes met blue ones with fake eyelashes. The girl smiled at him and he tried his best to return it, looking away immediately only to be trapped by Hikaru again.

"She wants you to come over,"

He could barely hear anything over the loud music, but for an absurd reason, his brain picked up when it was Hikaru's voice talking to him.

Tatsuhiro couldn't help but question the matter, sneaking half a glance over to the girl in question. He couldn’t figure out still what was it about him that screamed for focus and attention. "Me?"

Hikaru nodded with much confidence. "You see another sexy cowboy around?" he teased, making Tatsuhiro's eyes widen in mild-shock not for the first time that evening. He had no idea you could smoke bubbles in a public same-sex washroom. Which he will never return to by choice.

"How much did you drink?"

"Nothing yet," Hikaru said, playfully yet honestly, finally taking his hands from behind his back and revealing two tiny glasses of a see-through liquid. Tatsuhiro sighed but took the one offered to him, having no more of his sanity to lose. "Cheers!" Hikaru called and both men tried their best to chug it down in one go.

"Oh my god, it's awful!" Tatsuhiro coughed out, sticking his tongue out as if it will help the burning taste fade faster.

"Agreed…" his friend said with a frown, looking down at the tiny glass as if it was the enemy. "Maybe we are more beer people? Let's go!" he kept his hope up, leaving the glasses on the small table available to the smokers, and holding onto his best friend's wrist with both hands, knowing strength will be necessary to move him.

But the woman in a tight green dress was still staring at him as if she had a secret he was unaware of. So the 'sexy cowboy' allowed himself to be pulled away towards the bar. The childhood friends sat down at the stools, the younger pleased with himself. Tatsuhiro was a little taken aback by the casualness in Hikaru's voice when he asked the bartender to "Give us something delicious!" shamelessly winking at the tattooed yet good looking guy. Again, the believer didn't know which part he needed to shut up more urgently, if he wanted to make it through the night.

He looked around again, trying to locate the sane one of their group, to maybe ask to be saved, but his eyes were searched for again by another, now with reinforcements. "Now there are _two_ of them," he sighed, leaning his elbows on the bar in defeat he hadn't expected to face so early in the evening.

"They’re pretty cute," Hikaru told him, following where his gaze came from and recognizing the hazard. "Wanna go talk to them? I can be a pretty good wingman, " he kept on saying, maybe in an effort to cheer his best friend and show him the bright side, or because he simply couldn’t stop. "You know I helped my friend Kazuna get together with this guy once at a beach party, they’re _still_ dating!" he told him half-handedly, already hopping off the tall stool with an extra spring to his step. His best friend watched him with wide eyes, not even beginning to process the words blurred out carelessly.

"Wait a minute!"

"You're right, it's only been three months, but I believe in them, you know?" Hikaru said, tone getting sentimental until it wasn't once more, and completely oblivious to the cowboy's confusion. "Let's go greet the ladies!"

And he would have done just that if Tatsuhiro didn't pull himself back together fast enough to grab his shoulders and force his halt. "No, wait! It's not fair if we're not really interested," he said, looking down a little shyly. Hikaru raised a surprised eyebrow at him.

"We're not?"

Tatsuhiro didn't know how quickly alcohol affected the body, but that's the only excuse he could find for his friend's current behavior. "I'm socially awkward…. and you're a _homosexual_! Do the math!" he said, the words still foreign on his lips since he couldn't recall ever saying them out loud. It would have been like admitting a weird perversion was legitimate somehow.

Hikaru smiled at him warmly, retaking his seat now that two glasses of drinks were placed before them, filled with blue liquid and topped with a lemon slice. "I'm not gay, silly," he said, giving the other man's shoulder a playful shove before taking a sip of his drink hesitantly, apparently satisfied with the taste because he took another. Tatsuhiro chugged his down in one go, not minding the pleasant taste but needing all the help he could get in processing the information.

"You're not!?"

"Nah ah," Hikaru said, lifting a pointy finger in front of Tatsuhiro's face. "I'm good with whatever, honestly there are so many cute people in the world!" he exclaimed truthfully, stopping to drink the last quarter of liquid left in is glass. "Although I’m pretty picky-"

"Hikaru!"

"Yes, right! Definitely! Yo bartender!" he clapped his hands twice together to get attention, tone very serious and mighty. "Another delicious thing!" he ordered, ducking his head when he realized he was being too rude. "Pretty please!" he added, nodding to himself.

"Oh my god you are such a lightweight…." The purple haired man muttered under his breath in attempt to cool his nerves, as his world collapsed on him. "What do you mean whatever..? you get to choose?!"

"You can't choose love, cowboy, loves chooses you!" Hikaru said as if lecturing, holding a hand to his chest to empathize his point, realizing how theatrical he was being. "Okay, maybe I am drunk. What was in this blue heaven?!" he wondered with genuine curiosity, examining the now empty glass too closely.

Said cowboy sighed deeply, rubbing his aching forehead. So he believed in a lie for the past five years, great. But he tried to take comfort in the fact that Hikaru was not acting like his real self, only an over-the-top exaggerated version that blurted out whatever he was thinking. The more he thought about it though, the fewer differences he found.

"Have you seen Shingari? We need to get out of here," Tatsuhiro decided almost immediately, looking around in search for a really tall person.

"No way! We just got here!" Hikaru protested with a pout, holding onto his best friend broad and strong shoulders, digging a little too deep. "This is fun, Tatsu!" he said in his most convinced tone, golden eyes wide yet foggy. "We. Are. Having. Fun!" he said, pointing his finger at Tatsuhiro's nose and pressing it playfully to complete the statement.

"Oh my god…" he prayed again, looking for Miroku in the crowd but finding Akane instead, pressed back against the wall and face inches apart from the one of a blonde foreigner.

"Our drinks are here!" Hikaru called happily, stealing away the attention once more, as he was a more explosive issue. Putting his sharp instincts to good use Tatsuhiro snatched away the glass his best friend was about to take. 

"That's enough for you," he said seriously, leaving no room for debate. Hikaru had lost his filter as it was, and his natural energy and euphoria didn't need an external boost. Another worry popped into Tatsuhiro's head, as he caught a glimpse of a golden chain that his friend couldn't forget about. He prayed the pills hidden inside the golden capsule still worked, despite Hikaru's system being invaded by alcohol.

"But's it's delicious!" His best friend protested with a cute pout that he knew won't be resisted for long. So Tatsuhiro disposed of it before he broke, drinking the burning yet tingly sweet liquid. Hikaru frowned and tried to take hold of the second glass, only for it to be snatched from his fingers and treated the same.

Tatsuhiro breathed out when he put the empty glass back on the bar, delighted by the small impressed smile that decorated Hikaru's lips now. "Wow, that one's really tasty!" he felt the need to shout to the world, his voice lacking pitch at the end. He swallowed thickly then, having a bad feeling that Hikaru was not the only lightweight sitting by the bar.

"You heard the man bartender! Give him another pink magic potion!" he said and Tatsuhiro began laughing at the words, not believing the bartender wasn't baffled, giving a thumbs up of approval. "Come on," Hikaru stood up, stretching his back. "Dance with me," he said, mischief in his eyes, Tatsuhiro nodded hesitantly, feeling his heartbeat speeding and his spirit lifted. He took the paler hand and allowed his body to be pulled away from the bar and onto the dancefloor.

His eyesight was colored neon, making Hikaru's hair appear yellow as they stepped into the sea of dancers, forced closer. Not that he minded it; in fact he willingly pulled the other to him as the songs changed, the beat familiar to both of them.

"I love this song!" they both exclaimed together, bursting into laughter simultaneously. Tatsuhiro was never much of a dancer, really preferring to use his body for a more useful purposes, like exercise or playing sports. But he followed his best friend, who was a very capable lead. 

Akane joined them after a few songs, holding onto the arm of the blonde guy Tatsuhiro vaguely recalled being greeted by, their smiled bright and their energy higher than the entirety of the club combined. They even challenged the childhood friends into a dance battle at some point, mopping the floor with them as worthy of the two 'dance machines' they claimed to be. But the quartet laughed it off, promising to buy each other drinks.

The music got louder as the temperature around them climbed higher, making their bodies move faster and freer, the world around them disappearing until it was just the two of them, dancing with each other and for each other only. Tatsuhiro remained responsible though, dragging his best friend back to the bar occasionally to 'hydrate' themselves with more drinks Hikaru kept naming creatively.

Tatsuhiro practically tripped onto the dancefloor after this second round of 'green fairy juice', having a hard time keeping the rhythm. It only made Hikaru laugh and grab him by the waist, balancing him and correcting his non-existing groove. He threw his head back to look at the sparkly ceiling, following the traveling lights, his arms resting lazily over Hikaru's shoulders, bringing him closer.

"Breathing time!" Hikaru called, marching out of the crowd and back to the bar, his chest rising and falling heavily. Tatsuhiro could feel it very well from his position wrapped around him, arms around his hips and chin over his shoulder.

"Under control?" he asked worriedly, suddenly reminded of Hikaru's issues with over exhausting himself. His mind cleared almost instantly.

"And fantastic!" Hikaru answered back, reaching behind him to pat Tatsuhiro's lower back. "How are you?" he heard the voice close to his ear, making him giggle as the warm breath tickled him.

"Super fantastic!" Tatsuhiro was about to ask the bartender for more drinks when he saw a familiar face, one he remembered searching for but forgot the reason behind it. He didn't feel particularly bad about it, his conscious thought and perception pretty much gone by that point of the night.

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

"Its Tono-sama! Hello brother!" Hikaru greeted even though Tatsuhiro caught his eyes first, waving at him happily with both hands, not taken back by his serious expression.

"Join us for a shot?" Tatsuhiro asked, still pressed behind Hikaru lazily as he had been for a while. Miroku excused his behavior for the alcohol in his system, but he was still confused with just how carefree and blindly-happy the usually-stern man looked. He knew the couple before him were minutes away from disaster, if he allowed them to continue as they were, so he braved and took on the rule of the responsible adult.

"It's time to go," Miroku told them and they booed at him in unison.

"Not fair!"

"We just got here!"

They kept complaining, making him roll his eyes, only slightly amused.

"I'll take care of their tab," Miroku heard a voice coming from behind him, belonging to Teramitsu Yuzuki, as clear and sober as himself. "Get them to the car," Yuzuki instructed and Miroku followed.

"Come on, march," he instructed the drunk duo, navigating Hikaru by the shoulders and less concerned with Tatsuhiro, since he knew he will remain glued to his best friend's body regardless. The pair was beyond protesting at this point, walking in zig-zag all the way to the club's exit. Getting up the stairs was a struggle he didn't expect to endure, but they made it to the top thanks to Miroku and his ‘incredible muscle power’. which made Miroku felt extra proud, as the description meant a lot coming from someone like Tatsuhiro, even if he was drunk noting it.

Miroku opened his car's door but froze, unsure on how to get them inside. Luckily for him, Yuzuki caught up to them, using his brilliant mind to solve the problem. "Squat down Nome-san," he said in his usual calm and quiet voice, the muscle-head complied, his body used to the movement. But his clouded senses failed him, causing him to flop into the backseat of the car, taking Hikaru with him. The older twin closed the car door, so the hysteric laughter of the childhood friends was muffled. He looked up at the gray-haired teen.

"Thanks," Miroku told the shorter man, who just hummed, thinking that his help was a given. "Did you find Akane?" he asked and the other shook his head.

He hurried to reply with words when he read the worry on Miroku's face. "He is with Haru, don't worry. They didn't have that much to drink."

For the average party-goer, that would have sounded like a bad lie, as the orange and gold duo ruled the danced floor before the clock even strike midnight, their energy endless and growing strong. But Miroku was well aware of the craziness that occurred by combining his childhood friend with Yuzuki's annoying younger brother.

"You okay to drive?" the black-haired twin asked, and Miroku hummed, opening the driver's door.

"You okay getting home?" he asked in return, leaning on the car's door and looking down at the English gentleman.

"I'm going with you,"

"It's a two-hour drive," Miroku commented, questioning narrow eyes following Yuzuki as he didn't linger; already walking to the other side to get into the passenger seat.

"You'll need help getting them out too," Yuzuki said practically and Miroku nodded, his heart feeling slightly warmer. Yuzuki smiled at him.

"Shut up," Miroku ordered the still-laughing duo at the backseat of his car, as he slide into the driver's seat. Hikaru stuck out his tongue but relaxed into the arms holding him still. He laid on his side as Tatsuhiro tried to muffle his chuckles with his shoulder.

"Did you have fun?" Yuzuki asked, his seatbelt already on and his hands adjusting the AC. Sometimes it amazed Miroku how little presence the black-haired gentleman had.

"Yeah, those two were hilarious to observe," he said with amusement he was trying to hold at bey, to appear threatening to the pair of now silent and dozing off messes he called his friends. Otherwise, he would have never gotten them to move.

"Are you sure he's religious?" Yuzuki couldn’t help but ask, gazing back at the couple and noticing the silver cross on the subject's neck. Miroku hummed in light approval, a little taken aback by the things he had seen that evening. He pulled out of the parking spot he so perfectly taken, hitting the road that was now empty.

"And I had fun because of you," he added, causing Yuzuki to smile calmly.

"Me too," he said, yawning a little too loudly after and making the other laugh shortly, his hand that wasn't on the steering wheel reaching out to stroke the other's warm rosy cheek.

"You can sleep, I'll wake you when we get there." he promised, speeding up, taking advantage of the empty roads and lucky green headlights.

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

Tatsuhiro gained his brain back slowly, the alcohol in his blood dissolving and the air coming from the open windows of the driving car clearing his head. There were voices talking quietly. He blinked his eyes open, recognizing the two males in the front seat as friends.

"…but they look so peaceful, can't we leave them here?"

"No,"

"Why?"

" _Because,_ I'm a good friend but cleaning vomit is where I draw a line."

"You do have a point." The softer voice of the two admitted. "So what's the first stop?"

"Nome-san's house is the next street,"

"No…not home. My parents will kill me...." He heard a hoarse voice that forced its way out of his own throat. Even in his current haze, he knew very well that his parents will not react well to seeing him passed out and drunk on their doorstep.

"You can stay with me," another voice said, recognizable just barely to be Hikaru's. He only then noticed the other body lying on top of his, mistaken previously for a very heavy yet very comfortable blanket.

"Motel it is," the deeper of the two stranger's voices spoke again, followed by a sharp car turn that made Tatsuhiro grip Hikaru tighter. Two pairs of hands held onto them a short moment after the car came to a halt, the tires screeching a little too noticeably. Tatsuhiro's legs held him up once meeting the ground, and he balanced himself pretty well, thanking the one he now recognized as Miroku.

"Thanks, Yu-chan," he heard Hikaru doing the same to the one who got him up, still leaning over his narrow shoulders.

"Where's your room?" the black-haired foreigner asked gently.

"It's okay, we can get there," the turquoise haired man said with confidence that Tatsuhiro found contagious, straightening up himself. "Right, Tatsu?" Hikaru asked, eyes half open and sleepily, but somewhat clear.

"That's right," he confirmed by taking a few steps forward, meeting Hikaru halfway, so they could place their arms around each other's shoulders.

"You sure?" Miroku asked them with a frown, already imagining the couple falling backward down the stairs, or completely off the rail. He won't be surprised if they will find it funny too.

"Positive…!" Hikaru said, pointing his fist forward.

"Thank you for your driving service, you've been wonderful." Tatsuhiro said playfully, bowing down a little, _not_ because he truly stumbled on his feet.

"You two cuties enjoy your evening, " Hikaru continued, his tone now as airheaded as it was when he was fully drunk, as if the alcohol was taken effect again now that he wasn't asleep. "Don't forget to use protection, and don't be too loud!" he hurried to tell them warningly, looking directly at Miroku, who was caught by surprise.

"Okay." Yuzuki confirmed calmly, as if not seeing the point, making the tall teenager blush. "Take care!" he called after them as the duo climbed the stairs together, counting out loud and moving to the same beat. Miroku remained staring at the air, until he felt a gentle hand holding onto his arm and dragging him back to the car. "Let's go, Tono."

"Y-yeah," he mumbled, his mind racing as he tried to figure out if Yuzuki truly meant his approval.

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

"…and last one!" the purple haired drunk called happily to his partner in crime, urging his knees to bend so he could take that step.

"Go!" Hikaru said, both of them making it to the top of the stairs in one piece. Now they just had to make it to his room, which was at the end of the hall. "We can do this," he encouraged like before an uphill battle, spirit high and excess energy even higher.

"Yes, we can!" Tatsuhiro returned, in a similar state. Only that he liked to use his fists when energized. "We can do _anything_!" he cheered the battle cry, Hikaru joining him, yelling enthusiastically at the sky.

"Shut up!"

"It's four in the morning!"

"Keep it down!"

The pair stopped their march, shouting again together "Sorry!" before cracking up into laughter they tried to keep quiet.

"Okay, five doors to go," Tatsuhiro refocused them, still giggling under his breath and taking more of Hikaru's weight. "Five…" he whispered, Hikaru nodding against his shoulder.

"Four…" the golden eyed man breathed out.

"Two…" Tatsuhiro counted after they passed another red door.

"T-Tatsu…" Hikaru muttered through his laughter, his breath becoming ragged and his side hurting. "That was three!" he corrected, making Tatsuhiro snore.

"Now it's… _two_ ," he whispered back, taking a long step to pass the second to last door, to make his point.

Hikaru hummed in understanding, his tone impressed as he kept up. "One!" he yelled happily and stood tall in place, shushing himself a moment later, holding a finger to his lips and scolding himself. "Wait, where's my key?" he wondered in confusion, almost certain that he needed it to make the door open.

Tatsuhiro giggled and reached his hand into his best friend's back pocket, pulling out said key. "There you go~" he said in a sing-song voice, making the shorter teen cheer, doing a little jump in place. He struggled with getting the keys inside but unlocked it eventually, as Tatsuhiro began praying for his 'success in opening the door and leading them into a heaven of pillows'.

They were both breathing heavily by the time the door was pushed close behind them, their cheeks hurting from smiling so wide for so long, but the pain not enough to make them stop. Hazy eyes looked around, a realization slowly sinking in.

"We…"

"Did it…"

They both turned their head to look at each other, grinning from ear to ear and their eyes shining despite their tiredness, proud to announce that:

"We did it!" they screamed together excitedly, jumping up and down and doing a dance that could easily count as _crazy._

"We are the best team ever!" Hikaru howled to a moon they couldn’t see, getting them both more fired up.

"Ever!" Tatsuhiro agreed, lifting both his hands up to meet Hikaru's in a high-high-five, tapping his hands with a joined 'yay!', and then using the moment to grab onto his wrist and pull him towards him, cupping his jaw just in time for their lips to meet.

For the shortest split of a second, they both froze, but then he felt Hikaru breathing out through his nose as he nibbled on his top lip, arms coming up to clutch him closer by his back. Hikaru's lips tasted like the 'holly glitter water' he drank last, sweet and little sour. They were firm and thin, perfect against his own. Tatsuhiro got shivers down his spine when he felt the slightly cold finger touch the skin under his blue tank-top, searching for more. He felt the same; hesitant but gaining confidence as he went along, he traced the prominent muscles naturally gained by helping him lift hay and the strong back kept straight for riding as fast as the wind could carry.

His curious hands soon discovered Hikaru's silky long hair, untying it so only his braid remain intact and letting it fall down. He ran his fingers through it, fulfilling his weeks-long fantasy. Hikaru pulled back then, letting him know he was not done before the taller man could protest out loud. Hikaru pulled his light gray shirt over his head and let it drop to the floor. Tatsuhiro only got a glimpse of his face, now with random strands of hair falling over it, before he felt his own clothes being tugged on. He lifted his arms up so Hikaru could remove his top completely, his smile obviously telling he liked what he saw. His golden eyes were flirty as he pulled his hair back and off his face, challenging his best friend. But Tatsuhiro didn't hesitate to answer it, his chest pressing against his best friend's as he kissed him hungrily.

Breathing turned out to be difficult, so they pulled back, the taller putting his lips to good use and trailing kisses down the other's neck, the skin silky, smooth and inviting. Hikaru's moaned his approval but tried not to be overly immersed in it, his hands busying themselves with his lover's exquisite form, and with the task of getting rid of more clothing. Hikaru fumbled a little with the buttons of his pants but pushed them down roughly to make up for wasted seconds. Tatsuhiro pulled back then to kick them off and to unzip Hikaru's, removing them in a joint effort.

Hikaru rose to the tip of his toes, so he could have some height over the other, kissing him more forcibly and sucking his lower lip. Tatsuhiro took it as an invitation, bending lower just so he could take the other's thigh higher, to wrap around his waist. Hikaru whined a little as he followed the instruction, jumping so he could be held up, strong arms supporting his weight by resting under his ass. The new contact affected another area of Hikaru's body, making it stand taller against his chest and subsequently, against Tatsuhiro's. And even the cloudiest part of the cowboy's brain, that was overpowered by the alcohol in his blood, the lust in his veins and the yearning of his heart; was reminded that it was a _man_ he was holding in his arms.

"We need to stop," Tatsuhiro muttered against the other's lips, breath ragged. "It's not r-right…" he tried to insist, pulling back to look at the other's face, finding hunger that matched his denied one. Pale fingers caressed his cheek, coming around to play with the short hair at the back of his neck, refusing to break contact- the same as his own body.

"Feels right to me~" his best friend said with a smile, tightening his legs around the other's hips so everything was more prominent. Tatsuhiro didn't argue when he tilted his head up, claiming what was his in a passionate kiss. His jaw opened on its own accords, his eyes rolling back and shut when the other's tongue entered his mouth, making him moan a beautiful name.

He was feeling none of what he was supposed to feel; he tightened his hold around the other's slightly smaller body, squeezing his ass because he could, smirking when it made his lover gasp. He didn't feel grossed with himself when the request of 'bed' escaped his abused lips, nor when fanatic and breathless agreement followed. No part of his body resisted when he carried Hikaru there, unintentionally dropping him a little too hard onto the mattress. His heart fluttered in the best way when his best friend laughed, using his legs to pull him closer and on top of him. nothing felt vile when he settled between a man's legs, nothing was disgusting about the way he could feel something hard and long rubbing against his own through thin fabric. He like the feeling of strong muscles holding onto him, of a rough touch returning his own; the same urgency, the same desire.

He was surprised when Hikaru flipped them over, positioned in his lap and gazing down at him with a knowing smirk. Without hesitation or second-guessing, his love bent over, lips and tongue tracing the sharp curves and tight muscles, making the man underneath sigh deeply and beg for mercy by fisting the sheets.

Tatsuhiro's fingers fist something metallic as well as the fabric, cold and in a familiar weight. He gazed down to make sure their rolling around didn't reveal any of the old bed's springs. But instead of curled old metal, he found a small piece of him that must have slipped off or unchained by the man currently holding onto his underwear, leaving wet and comforting kisses on his chest.

It didn't feel like it was supposed to, but it was still wrong.

"Stop!" He straightened up, hands flying off the other man's body as burnt by the flames of hell, nearly kneeing Hikaru's nose as he pulled back. He hit the wall as he tried to get away, his eyes ran around the room franticly as his mind raced, rehearing the ugly truth. _Wrong, forbidden, unnatural, sinful, disgusting, vile, gross, sexually-immoral, an abomination…_

"Don't act all shy on me now," Hikaru chuckled, sitting back on his legs and slightly amused by his partner's cuteness. "It feels really good I-" he said, leaning forward on his arms seductively, but froze when he met the other's eyes. "Promise."

His breath hitched in his throat as his best friend did the same, staring at him like he was a monster trying to eat him, clutching the now unchained necklace he _never_ took off, as it grounded him to reality. In the purple eyes Hikaru could see his best friend believed him, how could he not? when the darkest sins tasted the sweetest…

He tried to reach out, but it was too late, a strong figure passing his eyes in super speed. "Wait, Tatsu-"

"Don't." the shadow told him, voice cold and hollow as he slammed the door shut.

Hikaru watched the red door for long minutes, wishing and praying for a god he didn't believe in, for it to be opened once more. To tell him that it wasn't all over. That he hadn’t messed up as epically as he did.

His own chocking breath was the thing that woke him up from his thoughts spiral. He coughed heavily and didn't even bother to look at his damp palm before descending to the floor, crawling towards the shirt he took off. His hands shook when he pulled the golden necklace out of the pile of clothes left by the doorway and continued to vibrate franticly with the rest of his frame, even after he swallowed an oval pink pill and wished it will choke him to death.


	8. Chapter 8

Tatsuhiro’s first instinct when hearing his alarm clock ring was to grab it and toss it out of his window, not minding if said window was open or not. It was like someone was playing the drums really loudly inside his head, or banging his forehead with a hummer, or both at the same time. His attempt to open his eyes failed miserably, so he forced his arm to move, reaching right to try and crush the little red clock. He regretted it the moment his hand moved, too fast with frustration, hitting the hard wooden-desk drawers. He hissed and retrieved it, this time forcing his eyes to open half-way. He blinked them a few times before he could focus, frowning not only for the bright early-morning sun but for the fact he could see everything he had ever shoved under his bed from his position on the floor.

He tried to recall how he ended up like that, remembering only fragments from the night before. He remembered his first mistake was agreeing to go to a party. The second was accepting the drinks offered to him during said party. The third was taking Hikaru's hand and being led to the dance floor. He groaned as more vivid pictures came into his head, of beautiful golden eyes gazing at him hungrily, of pale arms holding onto him, of another's hot skin and muscles pressed tight to his own. He decided that God must really be watching over him, if he managed to take the long walk from the town's motel and somehow climb up his own window without waking up his parents. Or ever making it to his bed before passing out.

_Never again,_ he decided. Whether his actions the previous night were sheer idiocy or just him being drunk, he couldn't excuse them away. He heard his stomach before he felt it, gurgling and pushing everything out of it involuntarily. With strength he didn’t expect to have in his state, he shakily got to his feet and managed to reach the bathroom just to shove his head down the toilet.

It didn't make him feel any less disgusting, but he slowly calmed his nerves by reminding himself he hadn't bought his one-way ticket to hell yet, as he never actually laid with another man. But drunkenly making out with one probably gotten his name on the waiting list. Another wave of nausea took over him, his back arching.

His heaving and coughing must have gotten his parent's attention, or maybe it was the alarm-clock he never got the opportunity to shut off; because the door he just barely kicked close was opened, and a pair of deep purple eyes full of concern and confusion stared down at him.

"Good morning…" he said as casually as he could, but his voice still came out rough and crooked. He tried to straighten himself up, so he won't look like a ragdoll hanging onto the toilet for its life, but his limbs betrayed him.

"Happy Sunday," his father returned the sentiment, frowning as he scanned him. Tatsuhiro's eyes followed his father's, struggling to remain calm when he saw he was wearing his shirt backward and that his pants were unbuttoned and open as wide as they could go. It made him want to throw up again, but he had nothing left in his stomach. "Nice party, ha?" his father teased him after a moment, his lips twitching upwards in amusement. "We're leaving in fifteen minutes," he said casually, turning around and leaving his son to collect himself.

"Yeah…" Tatsuhiro breathed out, expecting his father to be angry seeing him hungover for the first time in almost twenty years. After all, he always lectured Daiki about it, sternly quoting _'Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.'_

But his father didn't seem too angry about it, probably deducing that his responsible and serious boy had learned his lesson. But said son couldn't help but wonder if his father's reaction would have been the same if he had known of the debauchery part of Tatsuhiro's evening.

Panic flowed through him again as a new concern popped into his head. He knew that Hikaru and him could keep their secret, they have been doing it for years already and haven't told a soul…but the people in the crowd didn't owe them such courtesy.

Knowing his parents will get angry if they were late for the Sunday service, he forced his knees to rise, and stood up with the help of the sink. He washed his hands, washed his face and disposed of any evidence before making his way back to his bedroom, navigating by bumping into the walls like a pinball.

He thanked his mom for ironing his clothes, regretting it immediately as his own shouting made his forehead burn. His mind was slow, but he kept thinking as he got dressed, trying to recall any familiar faces in the party last night. But no one was crazy enough to make the two-hour drive just for the heck of it, well, except for Akane and Miroku.

The thoughts of his friends made it harder for him to tie his tie properly. He knew Miroku was the one to drive them back, he promised it to them beforehand and would never break that promise. Tatsuhiro even remembered lying down in the backseat of the shady yellow car, Hikaru was splayed over him and there was someone else there other than Miroku. He could see black hair but no other detail came to mind.

As for Akane, they left him behind with the blonde twin, they were pretty inseparable, from Tatsuhiro's vague memory. He deduced that the one who drove with Miroku must have been the other twin.

He breathed out before he left his room, accepting half a hug from his mother for a good morning greeting and escorting her to the car. The sun was an entirely new thing to deal with, making him want to die the moment he saw it, burning his eyelids even when he closed them during the car drive to the church.

His parents were chatting idly in the front seat, and he was thankful for them not addressing him too much. He calmed himself down almost completely by the time the car came to a stop, deciding that the twins didn’t even live in their town, so even if Hikaru and himself were a little too… _physical,_ even before the motel’s door closed, no one will know. He trusted Akane and Miroku to stay quiet, but he trusted them even more to never figure it out, as they seemed pretty busy with their own company to mind their childhood friends.

As he stepped into the house of God, crossing his heart and feeling it clearing his head and spirit, he was almost completely fine. If no one knew, they were back to square one, Hikaru, himself and their... _illness._

His mood shifted for the better as his family sat down, joining Daiki and his new wife now back from their honeymoon and looking as happy as possible. The service began just on time, like always; the words natural on his lips, the song's notes effortlessly released from his heart. The warm light he always felt wrapped around him. A calm smile rested on his face once the ceremony was over, his head as clear and clean as he could keep it, and his soul at peace with its goal for purity. He decided to keep his problems for later as God's holy house was no place for such troubling and vile thoughts.

Then the priest calmed everyone down and took his kind and easy-going posture, the one he took when he was particularly pleased with his prepared preaching. Tatsuhiro breathed in and watched him, ready for his mind to be intrigued and his faith to be strengthened. The preacher began talking, voice dripping with charisma and filled with passion.

"Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable."

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

"Sure we've got everything?" his brother asked him, placing the last bag in the backseat of the car, since he forgot where the button to open the trunk was, and Tatsuhiro never learned it in the first place.

Tatsuhiro pulled out the shopping list from his back pocket again, checking the items one by one until he reached the bottom. "Yep, we did it," he said, pointing out his fist for his brother to bump.

"Why does mom need so much food anyway?" Daiki asked, closing the car's door while his younger brother walked around it to get to the passenger's seat.

"She's excited for you and your _wife,_ " he said, tired of hearing his mother planning that workshop even before the wedding took place. She really wanted to teach her new daughter-in-law some of Daiki's favorite dishes, meaning her two sons had to go and buy the supplies first. At this point, Tatsuhiro preferred his brother will starve.

"It's still weird to say," the older of the two noted, the lightest shade of blush in his cheeks. Tatsuhiro laughed amusingly, making a barfing sound like the child he still wished to be sometimes, especially around his brother. "You'll understand someday," Daiki told him knowingly as he got into the car, sliding the keys in.

Tatsuhiro sighed, wishing those words weren't spoken. He still couldn't imagine it, even after the pastor's lecture yesterday. Him wearing a black tux and getting married to any girl was a thought that saddened him more than anything. He shook his head, having already made up his mind in the matter. He had the entire Sunday to think it over while lifting weights, doing pushups and making every muscle in his body burn, achieving clarity in his goal eventually.

_'I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways, According to the results of his deeds.'_

"You gonna stand there forever?" Daiki asked when he noticed his brother staring at the air again, standing with his arm resting over the car's door.

Tatsuhiro mumbled his apology and got into the grey car. He was zipping his seatbelt when his brother spoke again. "Oh look, it’s Hika-chan,"

The younger man's hands froze mid-action and his head turned to face where his brother was looking, out of his own half-open window. While turning he thought about the fact that his brother loved to tease him, and must be doing it again now, but that turned out to be him thinking ill of people.

There was his best friend, walking around the busy market and standing out as he always did, wearing a light oversize shirt that fell over his shoulder and leopard-print pants, his hair tied the way he liked it. He was smiling brightly despite his clear struggle to carry everything he bought, and he didn't seem to be finished. He was truly one of a kind.

"Go, I'll wait here," Daiki's voice was what snapped him back to reality, his eyes blinking away as he recalled he was being watched.

"What?" Tatsuhiro mumbled, turning away to look ahead, at the unnecessary sign leading them out of the market's tiny parking lot and onto the main road.

"Go to him," his brother said again, looking at him knowingly with one eyebrow raised. Tatsuhiro swallowed thickly, shaky light-purple eyes scanned his brother's expression, not finding any hint of sarcasm or humor…he knew it too well. "Go." he said again, reaching behind him to open the door, gesturing him to get out with his chin. There was something else Daiki wanted to say, but he couldn't.

Tatsuhiro instincts told him not to question his brother's actions, so he listened, stepping out of the grey car and having the door closed in his face, giving him no option to retreat. He straightened his cobalt blue button-up shirt and breathed out, before walking back into the market.

He reached his friend just in time, placing his hands under the bags Hikaru was holding up, to stop them from falling over and spilling on the ground.

"Thanks!" the happy voice of his friend called out of instinct before he recognized him. For the first time in his life he noticed Hikaru's smile fading because he saw him.

"Need help?" he asked, trying to ignore his disappointment when the other shook his head in dismissal.

"I'm fine," Hikaru said, balancing the other bags hanged over his forearms.

"Come on," Tatsuhiro said gently, sliding his fingers around the paper bags to take them away, a little surprised by their weight. "You can't bring them back broken toys," he said with a small smile.

Hikaru nodded once, humming in agreement. His siblings will never forgive him if he broke their presents before they got a chance to do so themselves. "My car’s this way," he said, pointing with his head to the west exit.

"After you,"

They didn’t even take three steps before Hikaru broke apart, unable to contain his thoughts anymore.

"Tatsu, I'm so sorry! Please don't hate me!" he said loudly with a bow deep enough to make a few heads turn. They both looked around apologetically to wave away the attention before their eyes met again.

"Get out of the crowd first?" The older of the two offered and the younger one hummed in agreement, walking a little faster. "You know there's a parking lot right?" he asked when he noticed they were crossing the street, spotting the light-blue car sloppily parked next to the sidewalk.

"That's new," the city-boy said, reaching into his back pocket with much difficulty and pressing the car's remote, making the trunk pop open. Tatsuhiro didn’t bother to note that it’s been three years since the parking lot was built, instead he got straight to the point.

"Look, Hikaru-" he began talking, but was cut off by his best friend, who gave him a serious look.

"It was all my fault, " he said, turning around to take the bags from Tatsuhiro and drop them in with the other ones.

"Don't say that, I kissed you first," the purple haired man hurried to correct him, not wanting his best friend to take all the blame for something that he had a hand in. But the other just shook his head in dismissal.

"Doesn't matter. _I_ kissed you back, and I wasn't too drunk, I knew what I was doing." Hikaru said, not avoiding their eye contact even if saying the words made him feel more shame. His stern expression and his disappearing smile held Tatsuhiro from speaking back, knowing his friend needed to get things off his chest. "You stopped though, before anything worse happened. So don’t think God hates you now, okay?"

"I don't think he does." Tatsuhiro said honestly, the other nodded in slight relief.

"I talked to my mom; she said I can come back if I want. I didn't tell her why," the golden eyed man said, probably adding the last part because of the clear discomfort the idea of Hikaru's family knowing caused the older man. "So I'll go back to my life and you can have yours back, and we can forget that I was ever here, okay?"

Hikaru's eyes and tone were hopeful, a little cheerful maybe, making Tatsuhiro remind himself not to be offended. Hikaru was not trying to tell him _they_ didn't matter, but that their friendship was more important. They were never a couple, and it was just a drunk mistake; one had his family to take care of, and a completely separate life, the other had his faith and ideals…

"Can I still text you and stuff? Like we did before?" Tatsuhiro said after a long silence.

"Yeah, of course. Like before." his best friend confirmed, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards, making Tatsuhiro do the same. The silence that followed was an awkward one, a rare phenomenon between the two best childhood friends. "So...I guess I'll get going,"

Tatsuhiro hummed in response, reaching out over his head to pull the trunk's hood down and closed shut. "Will you come tomorrow?" he asked, not sure if he was ready for it or not, but deciding to follow through with their agreement of everything going back to normal.

"To the stables?" Hikaru asked, his tone hinting surprise. "I-ah…I'm actually driving home, right now. I just wanted to get them souvenirs to make up for leaving them alone," he said hesitantly, rubbing the back of his neck nervously with an apologetic smile.

But Tatsuhiro didn't care for it, not expecting things to happen so quickly. "You…!" he warned, his initial shock turning into anger almost immediately. "You were gonna leave without saying goodbye?!"

"Sorry, sorry!" Hikaru said, lifting his hands in front of his body in surrender. "I thought you wouldn't want to see me for all eternity! I'm the gay city- atheist who almost stole your innocence!" he spoke too quickly, taking a few steps back. Tatsuhiro rolled his eyes, appreciating the honesty but wishing Hikaru didn't think that way.

"Never call yourself that again," he said harshly with a sigh, reaching out his hand for a manly shake. "Drive safely, and tell everyone 'hi' for me," he said as Hikaru returned the offer, taking his hand in his, nodding and agreeing to his request.

"You too, tell Temper I love him." he said with a respectful nod, their hands still shaking between them a little too hard. "This feels weird,"

"Yeah" Tatsuhiro agreed, both of them laughing shortly, not sure if it was appropriate. Hikaru's eyes were questioning when they looked up at his, asking before acting now. He nodded without hesitation and opened his arms, his best friend fitting into them perfectly. Hikaru's arms wrap around his shoulders and for a moment Tatsuhiro believed that he was going to lock his legs around him too, like he always did. But Hikaru stopped himself, the realization making Tatsuhiro's hold on his waist tighter. Every detail was written into his memory; Hikaru's warmth and frame and scent, his heartbeat against his own and the way his fingers clutched him, refusing to let go because of the truth they both were trying to deny.

"I already miss you," the turquoise haired man whispered and the other just buried his head deeper into his shoulder. "But I can always drop by for a sunset ride, right?"

"Whenever you want," Tatsuhiro mumbled honestly against his shoulder, breathing in before letting go and stepping away from his best friend. Both of them wore their brave faces, not believing they were actually choosing to do it, and saying goodbye. "Text me when you get home," he requested, as he always did when they parted, even if home was a motel in the same town, or the house next to his.

"Yes sir!" his best friend said with a playful salute and a wide smile that made his eyes crinkle at the edges. Hikaru hopped into his car and the engine roared into life with a twist of a key, ready to go.

His last words were simple, but his face told the truth behind them, the big golden eyes shallow and reflective. His smile was fake but full of effort, as he tried to fool the one who shared his feelings down to the last drop of denial. "See you around, Tatsu."

Tatsuhiro nodded in what was supposed to come across as approval, his breath hitching when the car drove away. Neither one of them will dare to admit it to the other, but Tatsuhiro was always honest with himself, as this was his only way to avoid self-hatred sometimes. The black hole in his chest was his heart shattering with a realization he needed to accept; this was the last time he was going to see the man that he loved.

He held himself straight, refusing to allow his tears to shad over something that was the best choice for all parties involved. Everything must go back to normal, and that was impossible to achieve with Hikaru by his side. He knew his heart will heal as it did once before, all he needed was time.

"Goodbye, Hikaru."


	9. Chapter 9

"Cheers!" the three childhood friends called happily, raising their glasses of Coca-Cola in the air and clicking them with each other.

"Wait, what for?" Tatsuhiro bothered to ask only after finishing his tall glass. It was a quiet Tuesday afternoon and they spontaneously gathered in Miroku's backyard. He didn't expect anything other than a friendly evening with dip, chips and freezing coke that didn't fit the weather. But apparently the youngest of the group had an additional something on his mind.

"I'm starting university next month," the gray-haired teen told them with a hint of pride in his voice, despite his expression remaining blank as always. Akane seemed surprised by it too, placing his glass back on the wooden table just so he could stare at his best friend with wide eyes and not drop it.

"Wait- wait! what?" he mumbled in question, Tatsuhiro sympathizing with his confusion. He had been noticing Miroku was busier lately, but he hadn't expected _that._

"Physical education," Miroku said. "Yuzuki suggested it and it sounds really interesting," he explained and suddenly everything made sense. Not in a bad way of course, Tatsuhiro was quite proud of his friend, not wasting his time and starting to follow his passion.

"Wait, does it mean you're moving out?!" Akane asked, doing the simple math in his head. Regardless of the institute their friend chose to study in, it was at least 2 hours away. Miroku nodded of course, but his blank expression changed a little, to something that Tatsuhiro didn't recognize.

"Yeah…I'm moving in with Yuzuki," he said, looking down a little embarrassed.

"Wow!" Akane called happily, hugging his best friend around the shoulder with the hand that wasn’t busy with eating chips. "But Harupyon's gonna kill you," he added after a second, a little horrified. But Miroku was never scared of the blonde peach-lover. And he trusted in Akane's ability to calm said blonde down. His concern turned to Tatsuhiro, his eyes focused and questioning.

"Congrats," the oldest of the group said honestly and without second-guessing, patting his shoulder and catching him by surprise.

"You're…okay with that?" the gray-haired teen had to ask, still confused. Tatsuhiro looked around as if to check if anyone else was staring at him blamefully.

"Why not?" he challenged, making a corner of Miroku's mouth twitch upwards.

Truth be told, a few months ago he would have definitely over-reacted to the news that one of his best friends was gay _and_ had a supportive boyfriend; he would have probably been shocked to his core and would have broken into a speech…but a lot has changed. He somehow got used to people coming out to him; Hikaru first, then Akane almost a month ago, and now Miroku completed the series.

"Oh well. I'm sad to see you go and leave us oldies behind," the ginger said, gesturing at himself and Tatsuhiro, who wasn't a fan of the nickname. "But I'm happy for you, man. Go and kick some ass!" he cheered, the two others laughing with him. "To a bright future!" Akane raised his glass again and the trio drank.

Tatsuhiro departed from them hours later, waving goodbye and offering his help with the moving; not that Miroku needed him, he was becoming really muscular himself. Pixie was waiting outside, where he tied her reins to, grazing peacefully and a little irritated by the evening's chilly air. He patted her neck, now covered in thick winter fur, and got onto her back, reins in his hand.

They got back to the stables quickly, both of them wishing to get inside as soon as possible. Temper whined when he saw them, probably wondering if it was his turn to go outside. He was disappointed when Tatsuhiro closed the stable's door, to keep the heat inside. The stable-boy pulled his phone out of his pocket, sighing when he saw there were no new notifications.

As if he understood, Temper nuzzled closer to him, pushing his head to his back. Tashiro bit his lip put returned the contact, brushing the steed’s long hair away from his eyes and petting the caramel fur. It was nice to be reminded he wasn’t the only one feeling like something was still missing. He was really starting to believe whoever invented the phrase 'out of sight- out of mind' was delusional.

Two months had passed and gone by since Hikaru went back home, and life was still too far from 'normal'. He was alone in the stables again, without Daiki as well; he was too busy worrying and working for his darling wife, who was carrying their first child. His mother had been appointed the new church secretary, a job that brought her joy and fulfillment, which meant she was fussing over him much less than before. His father was still his father, making sure he did his part and working his hardest. His Sunday mornings were the same as well.

Yet, his mind remained just as restless as it was left all those weeks ago. He didn't know what he was supposed to do, stuck with the filling of uselessness and unfulfillment. And the longer he thought about it, the only thing that remained uncomplicated was his fear of staying as he was.

The one benefit staying still had was that he was protected from the outside world, and he could close his ears and eyes and ignore whatever happened. But that wasn't even the truth anymore; the ultimate proof was Miroku coming out to him as well. He didn't mind it on a personal level, as his friend was a free man; but it did make him wonder if he was cursed or something, having the only three gay people in his small town be so close to him. Well, four people, if he counted himself as one. Even now he couldn't answer _that_ question.

It was family dinner night, meaning that Daiki was slouched in front of the TV when he entered, talking to their father about the game they were watching. his mother and sister-in-law were in the kitchen hard at work, the latter only taking a short break to grab a beer for her husband, who thanked her with a soft kiss. It was the perfect picture of the perfect family, one he never believed he’ll be able to fit into.

He politely told his mom his stomach was acting up, which earned him a pass from the evening of baby-names discussion and christening announcements sending. He instead ended up lying in his bed, staring at his plain ceiling and hyper-aware of his phone and the possibility of it ringing with a phone call or a text message from the one person who might understand.

But those were getting fewer and shorter as the time passed and each one of them only left the black hole in his heart slightly more gaping. With a sigh he rolled off his bed and got to his knees, folding his fingers together and focusing on the metallic weight resting against his chest, burning into his skin.

Aside from his hallow Sunday morning prayer, he hadn’t found the courage to turn to god again, afraid of the answers he will get, and ashamed to ask for guidelines when he waved off the ones written for all humankind’s welfare. But he had to try, one last time.

_‘Lord, I turn to you once more to help me in my darkest hour. I asked you once for a sign and you brought me back with my greatest sin. I believed in your wisdom and tried to keep my faith as I tried to bare the test laid before me, but I failed. I know I am arrogant to believe myself to be an exception, but… my heart desires the one of another man. He makes me feel right, never looks down at me or tries to change me or fix my weakness. I feel…. Whole when I’m with him and I love him more than I do myself. You are merciful, my lord, you wish for your children’s happiness most of all and…I think I can only be happy if I’m with Hikaru. So please, my lord, forgive me for being selfish and choosing my happiness above yours, or my family’s… give me the courage to live my life the way I am meant to live them…I’m sorry.’_

He breathed out and opened his eyes, his vision blurry because he closed them too tightly. His phone vibrated where it laid on his bed and his hand shot forward to get it, seeing the message was not from the sender he hoped, but from a weird corporate number, a commercial for a job-searching site that promised ‘Your next job is just around the corner!’.

He shrugged his shoulders and sighed again, pressing the link in the message and reminding himself that now, that his decision was made, the worst thing he could do was _not_ to try.

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

Hikaru was humming to the music coming from the radio, thankful for the steady rhythm allowing him to cut the vegetables quicker. His mother was by the counter as well, hands kneading a large ball of dough. He glanced up at the clock and smiled to himself as he added the cut cucumbers to a large box filled with them. He finished just in time for opening in a few minutes, which meant he could make himself some hot chocolate.

He was standing behind the counter of his family's restaurant, pouring chocolate sauce into a large mug, when he heard the bell ringing shortly, signing that someone walked in through the door. "Sorry, we’re not open-" he began saying as he turned around, freezing when he recognized the early costumer. "-yet."

The man smiled, probably pleased with his shocked expression. He hadn't changed one bit but he still appeared different in his winter clothes; his muscular body hiding underneath a thick gray coat and his hair hidden underneath the furry hoody of it. But it was definitely him.

"I can come back later," he offered politely, understanding completely that Hikaru wasn’t expecting him and was probably too busy for him anyway. He turned around to walk away, which cause Hikaru to nearly hop over the counter to reach out for him, fearing he might never come back.

"No, stay! It’s fine," he called, coming closer to him with hesitant steps, eyes scanning his childhood friend as he pulled back his hoody, getting used to the warmth inside the cozy restaurant. "I- I- 'm so glad to see you," he mumbled, sighing at the end as he still couldn't believe he wasn't dreaming. He _did_ have similar day-dreams before. "What are you doing here?" he asked, pulling back his ponytail to straighten it, wishing he hadn't looked so messy after working in the kitchen since morning. His mother was quite pleased with the new work ethic he developed over the summer.

Tatsuhiro looked at his shoes, one hand in his pocket and another clutching his bag strap, a little nervous still. "There was a job opening in an ivy-league high school not that far from here," he began explaining, avoiding his childhood friend's curious gaze. Hikaru knew which school he was talking about, he could see the huge campus all the way from his bedroom window. "They have a champion polo team and they were missing a stable-boy…" he said, daring to look up at the other's face now, trying to assess his thoughts.

Hikaru was certain they were obvious though, because his smile was so wide it hurt his cheeks a little. "So… you're…staying…?" he asked hesitantly, holding his hands behind his back and forcing his legs to stay still and not move closer. He casually leaned against one of the tables, trying to look natural.

Tatsuhiro rubbed the back of his neck, slowly nodding. "I'm granted a room on campus as part of my pay, it's not that high but-" he said, shrugging his shoulders apologetically. But Hikaru shook his head, cutting him off immediately.

"It's great!" he pointed out cheerfully. "What are the odds though, it's like, the perfect first job for you," he said with a chuckle, his heart beaming when Tatsuhiro returned his smile with a timid one. 

"I guess I should count it as his approval,"

Hikaru didn't need to ask whose, noticing how the other's hand closed around something that rested against his chest.

"I kinda had enough of people hitting on me though," Tatsuhiro admitted, his hands returning to his pockets. He wasn't exaggerating, at least three people had already approached him and began a random conversation, not to mention the curious glares he got when he walked to the restaurant from the bus-stop "like they never saw a tan person in their lives," he said with a contagious chuckle.

"Not one as handsome as you," Hikaru pointed out knowingly, winking before he realized what he did. Just because Tatsuhiro was here didn't mean he could just jump into conclusions. They talked about his friend coming to the city in a conversation that had nothing to do with their status. "I'm sorry, I'm making you uncomfortable." He hurried to apologize, waving his hands before his body in surrender and bowing his head. He only lifted it when Tatsuhiro talked again.

"Not really, I-I think you're too…handsome I mean," the taller man said, looking away as if it will stop the blush from rising to his cheeks. Hikaru's eyes widen before his smile stretched even wider, his ears not trusting their own ability to function suddenly.

"Could it be… you're flirting with me?" he asked teasingly, laughing when the blush on the other's cheeks became a shade darker.

"I'm trying…" Tatsuhiro admitted, a little offended to be laughed at when he was making true strides and efforts. But Hikaru shook it off, too happy to contain himself.

"You're so cute, Tatsu!" he called, jumping ahead and grabbing the other around the shoulders to pull him closer, now that he could without his conscience bothering him. But a gentle hand was placed over his pouting lips and a stronger one rested over his chest, keeping him in place and unkissed.

"Not yet," Tatsuhiro said, letting go of him and looking away hesitantly, re-focusing his head before it got carried away by his heart. "All of _this_ is completely new for me," he explained, gesturing around him to the big world suddenly his to explore. "I don't want to just jump into things,"

Hikaru hummed, having a slightly harder time listening to reason, his eyes focused on the metal cross still worn by his best friend. "What does the big boss have to say about your new ideas?" he asked, a little more serious. He knew himself, and the last thing he needed was to build his hopes up only for them to crush his heart into pieces again. Tatsuhiro breathed through his nose, probably not liking the casualness, but understanding where it was coming from.

He breathed calmly, taking Hikaru's hands in his as he spoke softly. "Let us love one another, for love comes from god. Everyone who loves has been born of god and knows god. Whoever not love does not know God-"

"Because God is love."

Tatsuhiro bite down his smile when Hikaru completed his words. Usually, the turquoise haired atheist hated when people quoted the bible to him, but this time was an exception, since the point being made was for his favor.

"God loves all of his children, and he only wishes for our happiness," Tatsuhiro said the words he believed in with all his heart, Hikaru nodding in agreement. "I don't think my feelings for you are his way to torment me…I do still believe that God is good and just… please don't be disappointed."

But Hikaru immediately shook his head, never expecting or wishing for his best friend to lose his faith. But he was still confused. "So…you _do_ wanna be together?" the shorter man asked, tilting his head to the side.

"I... want to try," the believer said, pausing for a moment in the middle. And this was all that Hikaru ever wanted to hear in his life. It was really difficult to stay put and not kiss the life out of the one he loved since genesis. He couldn't even listen properly when his best friend mumbled on, laying some ground rules he knew he will have to follow. "But we take things slow, yes?" he said, unlinking their fingers so he could gesture with his hands, to better express his intentions. "And no PDA,"

"Yep,"

"And no telling your mom, please!"

"Whatever you want,"

"Actually, let's not tell anybody just yet, okay?"

"Okay."

"You're not even listening to me, are you?" the other asked with a worried frown, more concerned than he was upset, looking around as if he'll find a hole in the ground to sink into.

"Nope," Hikaru said simply, laughing when his nervous friend looked up at the ceiling, turning to his last resort. "Tatsu relax," he said, holding onto the other's shoulder for a short moment, so he could give him chaste 'courage' kiss.

"Okay…" Tatsuhiro sighed and took Hikaru's hands. His eyes widen a moment too late and Hikaru giggled, covering his mouth to muffle it when the other buried his head in his hands to hide his blush.

"I'm so going to hell for this…" he mumbled, not as seriously as he thought for years, but still uncertain and worried. His worry soon melted away and was replaced with amusement thanks to Hikaru's response; simple and truly excited by the idea.

"Yay! We can go together!"

He laughed then, warmly and genuinely, pushing the other off him playfully. For the first time in his life, that possibility didn’t sound _so_ bad…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to everyone who made it this far, I hoped you liked 'Hometown Smile'!  
> I would very much love to hear your thoughts about it and any constructive criticism is welcomed and encouraged :)  
> Happy and healthy rest of your day and keep smiling!


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